You love us all, Val Monroe, filled, botoxed, lifted, lasered, sewn, or untouched. You see through our looks straight into our hearts, our minds, and our uteruses!
I feel this whole thing of ‘aging gracefully’ - ‘Sniff. It’s outrageous she’s had work done!’(which, incidentally I never hear applied to men 😡) and ‘we should go grey naturally’ - ‘Sniff. Dyeing her hair is so FAKE’ is just women pitting against one another. Again. Like, ‘She works. Sniff. Her poor children, brought up by a nanny and ‘She stays home with her kids and doesn’t go out to work. Sniff. She must be as dumb as dog****’. So much judging. We need to be well informed, which I think you contribute to, Val - facts. Not get sucked in, but make informed decisions. And respect other’s decisions. I’ll bet most women know when they’ve gone too far. That’s ok. It doesn’t last forever! And I’ll bet many women look in the mirror, like your reader, and say ‘now I look how I feel’. Let’s go in with our eyes (not necessarily our wallets!) wide open. But your decision is just that. Yours. Wouldn’t it be nice if, when a woman who is complimented on how good she looks, could turn around and say ‘well, thank you, I’ve just had this amazing cosmetic procedure and I’m very happy with the results!’ I enjoy reading your recommendations and non-recommendations, Val. Keep it up! Kind regards, Kathryn (Australia)
As someone who teaches women over 40 how to have a relationship to beauty without inflaming, cutting or burning themselves, this conversation is at the heart of everything I do. We, as women, have found ourselves in a very polarized space where at one end of the spectrum we have Justine Bateman, and on the other, Madonna. The best way to describe this polarity is like a tug-of-war between self-acceptance and self-expression. I love to refer to the quote by Carl Rogers, noted American Psychologist who said " The curious paradox is when I accept myself, then I change." Most women I have worked with over the years, are attempting to judge, control and resist aging with the various products, treatments and procedures available to us, which are also on a wide spectrum. If we break free from the myth that we are losing value as we age, then we are free to make choices that help us cultivate more cellular and spiritual energy, which in turn, helps us radiate more light. After all, isn't that what all of these luminosity products are promising to do? Even Gucci Westman's $150 "Skin Activator" has Mica in it, which is essentially a reflective glitter for the skin. Your reader who got a facelift, felt that her face did not reflect the vitality and health that she was feeling inside, and therefore she had a great result. This is a great example of how plastic surgery can be wonderful for those women who have done the inner work and are ready to have harmony with their inner and outer images. The problem is that the injections and procedures are being sold to us, as early as our twenties, can alienate our self-image from our outer image, in a way that causes suffering and distortion and pain. Beauty is as important to women as sunshine and water, and everyone can choose to have their own relationship to it. Thanks, @Val for this discussion. I hope I added something to it.
And, yeah, that aging gracefully sh*t. I never understood what that actually meant. I mean, I'm aging and sometimes it's with an accepting attitude and other times I rail against it. It simply is, yes?
Apr 11, 2023·edited Apr 11, 2023Liked by Valerie Monroe
Please continue writing as you do! The truth is (and I know that you know this) that one can't please everyone. However, it seems to me that you've always been upfront as to what your blogging is all about. Personally, I've never experienced any judgment from what you've written. When it comes to comments, perhaps some readers need to view them with a grain of salt per se. We all have our opinions and that's okay. I'm just thankful for the space you've created to share information and encouragement to make informed decisions, and I don't believe you've ever swayed from that mission.
I've always seen this as a "here's how you can make informed choices" kind of place. If someone wants topicals, fillers, facials, or a full lift- best be prepared and informed! That's it! Oh, and I like this: Aging Gratefully 🤗
1). Is it not okay if HNTFUYF is not for everyone? Is it not in fact vital that it not be for everyone? I don't think it'd be as great as it is if it were watered down by you trying to please and appease every last person.
2). I don't mean to try and shame those who choose to intervene with their face. In desperation some years back I tried getting fillers, but I realized it was a losing battle and I simply couldn't afford what it would take to keep ahead of what was happening to my face. But. This reasoning that many women give for having work done... that their face "doesn't match how they feel". I saw a few years back that Jane Fonda had said something similar about all the work she'd had done. What if Jane Fonda had aged "naturally" and was a very visible role model for women to accept their changing faces? (Helen Mirren!) What if it were more normal and accepted that your aging face *is* a match for how you feel? Because it's normal and healthy to feel vital and alive *and* have an aging face, right? I mean, YES, I still expect to see my 42-year-old self in the mirror, and am still sometimes shocked that she's not there. I could say that the face I see in the mirror doesn't match how I feel. But this is who I am now, and in my opinion I need to accept that. I need to stay strong, even if I don't always feel that way, and be an example for my daughter and all other younger women I pass in the street. IMHO, as they say.
Language is so powerful. I enjoyed the Justine Bateman piece & the phrase aging naturally. (I have let my gray streaks come & haven’t tried botox or fillers, but honestly that is more out of laziness than principal) This has given me something to think about.
It's hard when there are two opposing views, and we feel guilty with either option! A writer can't win either way, as seen with the two opposing readers' letters. Is it bad to say I've never taken any of this too seriously? I've been reading fashion magazines since then 70s, as a teen. I was never bothered by thin supermodels, because I'm a different body type, and that would not be achievable for me. I can look at the Kardashians' Botox and filler and overtly contoured faces and not feel the need to do that. I'm not saying I am at peace with myself in all ways (I'm not), but I can say "I'm willing to do this, not that at this point in my life". If I had friends doing Botox I probably would. But I don't. I have some friends who have decided to go gray. I'm not doing that either. I guess I'm saying a middle way exists, and militant readers on both sides might need to learn to scroll or find other spaces where they feel safer, if that makes sense.
For me, the phrase “aging gracefully “ has meant to enjoy the journey as much as possible, and not going to extremes in the (futile) effort to recover one’s lost youth. Rather, continue all the pleasures of what we now call self care, take care of your health, pursue fitness at your own pace, dress beautifully in a way that expresses your personal style (but perhaps not in outfits better suited to the Forever 21 customer,) and most of all to steer clear of the rabbit hole of plastic surgery.
I’ve since revised and expanded that point of view to include deeper self-appreciation and compassion, for both myself and others. Which means being less judgy and more respectful and supportive of those who make the decision to have procedures, invasive and non-invasive alike. If it’s a well-informed decision and if it makes you happy…
Also, big thanks, dear Val, for shining a light on two important new phrases that rival “aging gratefully”—“aging gratefully”
No one else has mentioned it, but I wanted to comment on that beautiful face on the Vogue cover. I had seen it earlier somewhere…and am mesmerized by it. Never before have I seen the face of a woman that old that made me wish I looked like her. (I’m 62.)
I think it’s because she presents herself as she likes, with seemingly no concern for others’ opinions. I love the bright color of her lipstick and beads. I love the pattern of her tattoos. I love that at 106 she still makes the effort to style her hair and add lipstick. I guess a thick head of hair and a slender body must be nice, too. Was anyone else struck by that photo?
Apr 11, 2023·edited Apr 11, 2023Liked by Valerie Monroe
-Val,
What I love the most about HNTFUYF is the integral cohesion, the unconditional kindness you have always inserted in the middle of your continual researches. Each piece here, is a separated part of the supreme context, one which never fails to captivate self-love. It is truly beautiful to embrace change, but it also is highly fabulous to honor our innermost beauty just as much. Never once have you ever established perfect parameters. What you have indeed been doing, is to offer progressive parallels. You must be proud of your hard work! xo
Love that quote from Ursula K. Le Guin, Val! I have scant recollection of what Ursula looked like (though I saw a photo once on a book jacket). But she was full of grace and beauty and brilliance; that I know for sure.
Also, if someone I didn't know emailed telling me how I should write my Substack then signed off with "thanks for understanding my perspective," I'd need to do lots of deep breathing before responding.
I appreciate your thoughts each week. For those that are "disappointed" in your content, they have a choice to read, or not read your work. Last time I checked, we live in a free country and no one is making us read something that is not comfortable or does not resonate with us. For that reason, there are many articles and columns I pass up daily, but I would never message the author a disparaging remark. After all, there may be someone out there that appreciates their work, and it's not for me to judge their tastes! As I was taught as a child "if you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut!" I often wish more people of late would remember that lesson - lol! Have a wonderful day!
Val I think the angels that were on your shoulders migrated across the ocean to me! I had that exact thought yesterday about my writing landing where it’s supposed to. Working to steady the rudder.
Informed consent and knowing your deep inner why! Thank you for continuing to teach us to be introspective about our bodies as we age.
I find reading your work and the words of this lovely community to help me remain solid in my desire to leave my face alone. It’s wonderful to feel I’m not alone!
You love us all, Val Monroe, filled, botoxed, lifted, lasered, sewn, or untouched. You see through our looks straight into our hearts, our minds, and our uteruses!
I feel this whole thing of ‘aging gracefully’ - ‘Sniff. It’s outrageous she’s had work done!’(which, incidentally I never hear applied to men 😡) and ‘we should go grey naturally’ - ‘Sniff. Dyeing her hair is so FAKE’ is just women pitting against one another. Again. Like, ‘She works. Sniff. Her poor children, brought up by a nanny and ‘She stays home with her kids and doesn’t go out to work. Sniff. She must be as dumb as dog****’. So much judging. We need to be well informed, which I think you contribute to, Val - facts. Not get sucked in, but make informed decisions. And respect other’s decisions. I’ll bet most women know when they’ve gone too far. That’s ok. It doesn’t last forever! And I’ll bet many women look in the mirror, like your reader, and say ‘now I look how I feel’. Let’s go in with our eyes (not necessarily our wallets!) wide open. But your decision is just that. Yours. Wouldn’t it be nice if, when a woman who is complimented on how good she looks, could turn around and say ‘well, thank you, I’ve just had this amazing cosmetic procedure and I’m very happy with the results!’ I enjoy reading your recommendations and non-recommendations, Val. Keep it up! Kind regards, Kathryn (Australia)
As someone who teaches women over 40 how to have a relationship to beauty without inflaming, cutting or burning themselves, this conversation is at the heart of everything I do. We, as women, have found ourselves in a very polarized space where at one end of the spectrum we have Justine Bateman, and on the other, Madonna. The best way to describe this polarity is like a tug-of-war between self-acceptance and self-expression. I love to refer to the quote by Carl Rogers, noted American Psychologist who said " The curious paradox is when I accept myself, then I change." Most women I have worked with over the years, are attempting to judge, control and resist aging with the various products, treatments and procedures available to us, which are also on a wide spectrum. If we break free from the myth that we are losing value as we age, then we are free to make choices that help us cultivate more cellular and spiritual energy, which in turn, helps us radiate more light. After all, isn't that what all of these luminosity products are promising to do? Even Gucci Westman's $150 "Skin Activator" has Mica in it, which is essentially a reflective glitter for the skin. Your reader who got a facelift, felt that her face did not reflect the vitality and health that she was feeling inside, and therefore she had a great result. This is a great example of how plastic surgery can be wonderful for those women who have done the inner work and are ready to have harmony with their inner and outer images. The problem is that the injections and procedures are being sold to us, as early as our twenties, can alienate our self-image from our outer image, in a way that causes suffering and distortion and pain. Beauty is as important to women as sunshine and water, and everyone can choose to have their own relationship to it. Thanks, @Val for this discussion. I hope I added something to it.
And, yeah, that aging gracefully sh*t. I never understood what that actually meant. I mean, I'm aging and sometimes it's with an accepting attitude and other times I rail against it. It simply is, yes?
Please continue writing as you do! The truth is (and I know that you know this) that one can't please everyone. However, it seems to me that you've always been upfront as to what your blogging is all about. Personally, I've never experienced any judgment from what you've written. When it comes to comments, perhaps some readers need to view them with a grain of salt per se. We all have our opinions and that's okay. I'm just thankful for the space you've created to share information and encouragement to make informed decisions, and I don't believe you've ever swayed from that mission.
I've always seen this as a "here's how you can make informed choices" kind of place. If someone wants topicals, fillers, facials, or a full lift- best be prepared and informed! That's it! Oh, and I like this: Aging Gratefully 🤗
Thank you for helping us! J.
A couple of thoughts:
1). Is it not okay if HNTFUYF is not for everyone? Is it not in fact vital that it not be for everyone? I don't think it'd be as great as it is if it were watered down by you trying to please and appease every last person.
2). I don't mean to try and shame those who choose to intervene with their face. In desperation some years back I tried getting fillers, but I realized it was a losing battle and I simply couldn't afford what it would take to keep ahead of what was happening to my face. But. This reasoning that many women give for having work done... that their face "doesn't match how they feel". I saw a few years back that Jane Fonda had said something similar about all the work she'd had done. What if Jane Fonda had aged "naturally" and was a very visible role model for women to accept their changing faces? (Helen Mirren!) What if it were more normal and accepted that your aging face *is* a match for how you feel? Because it's normal and healthy to feel vital and alive *and* have an aging face, right? I mean, YES, I still expect to see my 42-year-old self in the mirror, and am still sometimes shocked that she's not there. I could say that the face I see in the mirror doesn't match how I feel. But this is who I am now, and in my opinion I need to accept that. I need to stay strong, even if I don't always feel that way, and be an example for my daughter and all other younger women I pass in the street. IMHO, as they say.
Language is so powerful. I enjoyed the Justine Bateman piece & the phrase aging naturally. (I have let my gray streaks come & haven’t tried botox or fillers, but honestly that is more out of laziness than principal) This has given me something to think about.
It's hard when there are two opposing views, and we feel guilty with either option! A writer can't win either way, as seen with the two opposing readers' letters. Is it bad to say I've never taken any of this too seriously? I've been reading fashion magazines since then 70s, as a teen. I was never bothered by thin supermodels, because I'm a different body type, and that would not be achievable for me. I can look at the Kardashians' Botox and filler and overtly contoured faces and not feel the need to do that. I'm not saying I am at peace with myself in all ways (I'm not), but I can say "I'm willing to do this, not that at this point in my life". If I had friends doing Botox I probably would. But I don't. I have some friends who have decided to go gray. I'm not doing that either. I guess I'm saying a middle way exists, and militant readers on both sides might need to learn to scroll or find other spaces where they feel safer, if that makes sense.
For me, the phrase “aging gracefully “ has meant to enjoy the journey as much as possible, and not going to extremes in the (futile) effort to recover one’s lost youth. Rather, continue all the pleasures of what we now call self care, take care of your health, pursue fitness at your own pace, dress beautifully in a way that expresses your personal style (but perhaps not in outfits better suited to the Forever 21 customer,) and most of all to steer clear of the rabbit hole of plastic surgery.
I’ve since revised and expanded that point of view to include deeper self-appreciation and compassion, for both myself and others. Which means being less judgy and more respectful and supportive of those who make the decision to have procedures, invasive and non-invasive alike. If it’s a well-informed decision and if it makes you happy…
Also, big thanks, dear Val, for shining a light on two important new phrases that rival “aging gratefully”—“aging gratefully”
and “life-deep beauty.” Wise words to age by!
I love that: "life-deep beauty." I can certainly get behind that.
No one else has mentioned it, but I wanted to comment on that beautiful face on the Vogue cover. I had seen it earlier somewhere…and am mesmerized by it. Never before have I seen the face of a woman that old that made me wish I looked like her. (I’m 62.)
I think it’s because she presents herself as she likes, with seemingly no concern for others’ opinions. I love the bright color of her lipstick and beads. I love the pattern of her tattoos. I love that at 106 she still makes the effort to style her hair and add lipstick. I guess a thick head of hair and a slender body must be nice, too. Was anyone else struck by that photo?
-Val,
What I love the most about HNTFUYF is the integral cohesion, the unconditional kindness you have always inserted in the middle of your continual researches. Each piece here, is a separated part of the supreme context, one which never fails to captivate self-love. It is truly beautiful to embrace change, but it also is highly fabulous to honor our innermost beauty just as much. Never once have you ever established perfect parameters. What you have indeed been doing, is to offer progressive parallels. You must be proud of your hard work! xo
Love that quote from Ursula K. Le Guin, Val! I have scant recollection of what Ursula looked like (though I saw a photo once on a book jacket). But she was full of grace and beauty and brilliance; that I know for sure.
Also, if someone I didn't know emailed telling me how I should write my Substack then signed off with "thanks for understanding my perspective," I'd need to do lots of deep breathing before responding.
I appreciate your thoughts each week. For those that are "disappointed" in your content, they have a choice to read, or not read your work. Last time I checked, we live in a free country and no one is making us read something that is not comfortable or does not resonate with us. For that reason, there are many articles and columns I pass up daily, but I would never message the author a disparaging remark. After all, there may be someone out there that appreciates their work, and it's not for me to judge their tastes! As I was taught as a child "if you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut!" I often wish more people of late would remember that lesson - lol! Have a wonderful day!
Val I think the angels that were on your shoulders migrated across the ocean to me! I had that exact thought yesterday about my writing landing where it’s supposed to. Working to steady the rudder.
Informed consent and knowing your deep inner why! Thank you for continuing to teach us to be introspective about our bodies as we age.
I find reading your work and the words of this lovely community to help me remain solid in my desire to leave my face alone. It’s wonderful to feel I’m not alone!