Thank you for this reflection on loneliness. I reach some points were I am more content in my solitude and others where I feel trapped in it. I had such expectations about myself for this mid-thirties and being a single mom by choice and making the commitment to feel whole without a partner is a process for me.
I really love this one, Val. With loneliness pervading my 41 years, I truly appreciate reading your insights from a little further along in life than me.
I've just sent myself an email for the reminder in one month: Being alone is not a punishment for not being good enough in some way.
As an introvert, I typically am comfortable being by myself. One of my fave moments was going to the Whitney Museum of Art in NYC (summer of 2019) and had a lovely lunch by myself with a very summery cocktail. The bartender and the waitperson treated me with kindness and respect, which was appreciated. However, COVID (during isolation) keenly reminded me that I need to connect with people. COVID also was a winnowing of friends, and I discovered the limitation of some of them that, in truth, even existed before COVID. Loneliness is something I discuss my therapist regularly and what I contend with often these days.
I came to the "watch the face fall" way too little too late. My daughter the dermatologist has me on tretinoin cream and CE ferulic. I like to pretend some nights that I'm slightly less crinkly but... Any suggestions. Those Hoka shoes look like the next gen granny shoes but who cares about that? My toes are taking their own new road, medial, lateral, quarreling with one another about personal space. TIA, Judy
I enjoyed this, although the idea of eating oysters feels like eating directly from someone's nose, picking up a little hot sauce and lemon from their lips. Guys deal with loneliness as well, but some of us wave off the chablis for protein shakes at the gym in an obsessive attempt to turn back the clock. I respond to posts from David Sinclair as if we went to high school together. I did find someone recently though, on the shoulder press machine. She's funny; I need that. The tent-like garment line is something she would text me, so I'll share this with her. Stay well.
This was so good for me today. Fighting loneliness for female companionship for 8 years now. My BFF just visited a couple of weeks ago that left me on a high, but then sent me an email filled with all the social activities she's been busy with back home. Thank you, Val.
What a beautiful piece about loneliness! I needed that today. How much damage do we do to ourselves and others simply flailing about to avoid our inevitable loneliness? I am currently in the midst of a painful break-up. It was consciously unexpected, not at all what I was anticipating for myself staring down my 50th birthday in a handful of months. It has been gut-wrenching and my loneliness has, at times, felt like a hole I could fall in and never get out of. And yet, the moments of connection in the midst of the grief--friends checking in, being with my children, having people respond to my writing--carry such palpable, poignant sweetness. I feel how precious they are, the inexplicable moments of reaching across the divide between two people, but also just as inevitable as those seemingly engulfing moments of loneliness. Nothing lasts forever. Even at my age, I forget that sometimes; but remembering allows me to sit with whatever comes. Also, I had forgotten in the maelstrom of family life how much I like being alone, how much I need it. I would trade moments of loneliness for this freedom to simply putter around in my own skin.
Stepping into the Present
Thank you for this reflection on loneliness. I reach some points were I am more content in my solitude and others where I feel trapped in it. I had such expectations about myself for this mid-thirties and being a single mom by choice and making the commitment to feel whole without a partner is a process for me.
I really love this one, Val. With loneliness pervading my 41 years, I truly appreciate reading your insights from a little further along in life than me.
I've just sent myself an email for the reminder in one month: Being alone is not a punishment for not being good enough in some way.
Thank you.
As an introvert, I typically am comfortable being by myself. One of my fave moments was going to the Whitney Museum of Art in NYC (summer of 2019) and had a lovely lunch by myself with a very summery cocktail. The bartender and the waitperson treated me with kindness and respect, which was appreciated. However, COVID (during isolation) keenly reminded me that I need to connect with people. COVID also was a winnowing of friends, and I discovered the limitation of some of them that, in truth, even existed before COVID. Loneliness is something I discuss my therapist regularly and what I contend with often these days.
I came to the "watch the face fall" way too little too late. My daughter the dermatologist has me on tretinoin cream and CE ferulic. I like to pretend some nights that I'm slightly less crinkly but... Any suggestions. Those Hoka shoes look like the next gen granny shoes but who cares about that? My toes are taking their own new road, medial, lateral, quarreling with one another about personal space. TIA, Judy
https://judypaley.substack.com/welcome
I enjoyed this, although the idea of eating oysters feels like eating directly from someone's nose, picking up a little hot sauce and lemon from their lips. Guys deal with loneliness as well, but some of us wave off the chablis for protein shakes at the gym in an obsessive attempt to turn back the clock. I respond to posts from David Sinclair as if we went to high school together. I did find someone recently though, on the shoulder press machine. She's funny; I need that. The tent-like garment line is something she would text me, so I'll share this with her. Stay well.
This was so good for me today. Fighting loneliness for female companionship for 8 years now. My BFF just visited a couple of weeks ago that left me on a high, but then sent me an email filled with all the social activities she's been busy with back home. Thank you, Val.
Beautiful!! Love everything about this piece. Thank you! <3
What a good read Val! Much wisdom and thanks for info on Hokas. xx
What a beautiful piece about loneliness! I needed that today. How much damage do we do to ourselves and others simply flailing about to avoid our inevitable loneliness? I am currently in the midst of a painful break-up. It was consciously unexpected, not at all what I was anticipating for myself staring down my 50th birthday in a handful of months. It has been gut-wrenching and my loneliness has, at times, felt like a hole I could fall in and never get out of. And yet, the moments of connection in the midst of the grief--friends checking in, being with my children, having people respond to my writing--carry such palpable, poignant sweetness. I feel how precious they are, the inexplicable moments of reaching across the divide between two people, but also just as inevitable as those seemingly engulfing moments of loneliness. Nothing lasts forever. Even at my age, I forget that sometimes; but remembering allows me to sit with whatever comes. Also, I had forgotten in the maelstrom of family life how much I like being alone, how much I need it. I would trade moments of loneliness for this freedom to simply putter around in my own skin.
Such exquisite writing.
Hoka's are JUST the Ticket! I loved this whole thing. (as usual)