"I found the “them” in myself and understood in the most visceral way that—no matter what the conflict—it is always about us."
Yes. Thank you for this Val. This is one reason I write children's books about empathy and compassion - why I work so hard to help kids understand that no one is better or more deserving and to appreciate differences.
I would add that most people not directly involved are struggling to stay alive in their own ways. Maybe not bombs or rifle fire but increased rent, not enough food, taxes they can't pay, jobs disappearing....this is how many if not most live. Also it's really hard to know what to do when you feel so powerless in your own life.
In many ways what is going on is a game between mentally ill and emotionally bankrupt power mongers/bullies. What I don't get is how our race as a whole gives them so much power. Putin should not be able to order the war in Ukraine. I'd like to know what I can personally do and how we can collectively put a stop to people like this getting into power.
Don't feel you have to have an answer, but this is where I end up every day as I work to make enough money to pay my rent, replace my car, get healthcare, etc. IMHO our system is set up to keep the average person in survival mode and force us to fund these narcissistic A-holes delusional war games. End of rant.
Compassion is at the center of all wisdom traditions. All we, no they. Thank you for illuminating it in our moment. On hair - Hairprint is also worth exploring for density and natural color.
OMG, and just as I was saying I can't find a way to make a difference, I was contacted by a group that helps children in the Ukraine. I reached out to them to see if they would like copies of my books to read to the children and they replied "I am a coordinator of the psychosocial support in the Voice of people. We indeed do look for materials for children while they are temporarily relocated or still stay in the underground. The only problem we do not have now is the human resources for the translation. Would there be an opportunity to get the materials in Ukrainian and be able to use them online for children?"
Please, if any of you know someone who could do the translation of my stories, please get in touch. I can absolutely send them my online work showing the kids how to draw and sing and dance, etc. Let's make this happen!
Your piece on how we don’t identify with “them” touches a chord. But in some way, as misguided as it may be, isn’t this protective of our species? Yet it makes me feel cold because this is how the Nazis operated.
I have always loved that essay about your son. However, reading it again now, as a mother, only makes it that much more impactful, stretches my compassion even more-so. Thank you for sharing it again.
I read this the other day and didn't have time to respond in a respectful way. Now, having had time, I realize there is really no other way than to just take a moment and be still. I might also reach back in time to give you the solidarity hug of a single mom of a son whose heart was breaking, shattering, and smashing to pieces over the fear of loss, the grief of actual loss, and the destruction of innocence. I will never ever forget that day.
So moved by this post, Val. It reignited a memory of one particular moment when I found the “them” in myself.
Years ago during the horrific genocide in Rwanda, The New York Times ran a photo of a desperate mother who had just been separated from her child. She was standing on one end of a bridge at a border crossing, could see her child on the other side but was powerless to reach this child.
I cannot forget the grief and anguish contorting her face. The image was so powerful that I just broke into sobs. For the mother, her child, for all those suffering the same cruel fates and unspeakable losses.
At the time, my own mother was fighting a terrible illness that would ultimately take her away from this world, from my life. Somehow the feeling of my own imminent loss, the anticipation of the pain of separation from my own mother moved me to feel the Rwandan mother’s pain as my own, to see the “them” in myself and myself in “them.”
Val, wow. I haven’t had an experience as starkly empathy-inducing as yours, but in the weeks after each of my sons was born, I remember walking the streets of New York and looking at every person I passed and seeing a baby. It still happens to me sometimes – I look at a human being and I just see them in someone’s arms.
We are evolving, as a species, out of the inherent tribalism of “us” versus “them”— I truly believe that. I think we’re in the final spasms of a very old paradigm. To make the shift, we have to start leading from compassion. And first we have to talk talk talk about it. Please keep it coming.
"I found the “them” in myself and understood in the most visceral way that—no matter what the conflict—it is always about us."
Yes. Thank you for this Val. This is one reason I write children's books about empathy and compassion - why I work so hard to help kids understand that no one is better or more deserving and to appreciate differences.
I would add that most people not directly involved are struggling to stay alive in their own ways. Maybe not bombs or rifle fire but increased rent, not enough food, taxes they can't pay, jobs disappearing....this is how many if not most live. Also it's really hard to know what to do when you feel so powerless in your own life.
In many ways what is going on is a game between mentally ill and emotionally bankrupt power mongers/bullies. What I don't get is how our race as a whole gives them so much power. Putin should not be able to order the war in Ukraine. I'd like to know what I can personally do and how we can collectively put a stop to people like this getting into power.
Don't feel you have to have an answer, but this is where I end up every day as I work to make enough money to pay my rent, replace my car, get healthcare, etc. IMHO our system is set up to keep the average person in survival mode and force us to fund these narcissistic A-holes delusional war games. End of rant.
Compassion is at the center of all wisdom traditions. All we, no they. Thank you for illuminating it in our moment. On hair - Hairprint is also worth exploring for density and natural color.
OMG, and just as I was saying I can't find a way to make a difference, I was contacted by a group that helps children in the Ukraine. I reached out to them to see if they would like copies of my books to read to the children and they replied "I am a coordinator of the psychosocial support in the Voice of people. We indeed do look for materials for children while they are temporarily relocated or still stay in the underground. The only problem we do not have now is the human resources for the translation. Would there be an opportunity to get the materials in Ukrainian and be able to use them online for children?"
Please, if any of you know someone who could do the translation of my stories, please get in touch. I can absolutely send them my online work showing the kids how to draw and sing and dance, etc. Let's make this happen!
Contact me: JenaBall@critterkin.com
phone: 919-454-9917
Your piece on how we don’t identify with “them” touches a chord. But in some way, as misguided as it may be, isn’t this protective of our species? Yet it makes me feel cold because this is how the Nazis operated.
I have always loved that essay about your son. However, reading it again now, as a mother, only makes it that much more impactful, stretches my compassion even more-so. Thank you for sharing it again.
I read this the other day and didn't have time to respond in a respectful way. Now, having had time, I realize there is really no other way than to just take a moment and be still. I might also reach back in time to give you the solidarity hug of a single mom of a son whose heart was breaking, shattering, and smashing to pieces over the fear of loss, the grief of actual loss, and the destruction of innocence. I will never ever forget that day.
So moved by this post, Val. It reignited a memory of one particular moment when I found the “them” in myself.
Years ago during the horrific genocide in Rwanda, The New York Times ran a photo of a desperate mother who had just been separated from her child. She was standing on one end of a bridge at a border crossing, could see her child on the other side but was powerless to reach this child.
I cannot forget the grief and anguish contorting her face. The image was so powerful that I just broke into sobs. For the mother, her child, for all those suffering the same cruel fates and unspeakable losses.
At the time, my own mother was fighting a terrible illness that would ultimately take her away from this world, from my life. Somehow the feeling of my own imminent loss, the anticipation of the pain of separation from my own mother moved me to feel the Rwandan mother’s pain as my own, to see the “them” in myself and myself in “them.”
You always give us so much to think about, Val!
Val, wow. I haven’t had an experience as starkly empathy-inducing as yours, but in the weeks after each of my sons was born, I remember walking the streets of New York and looking at every person I passed and seeing a baby. It still happens to me sometimes – I look at a human being and I just see them in someone’s arms.
We are evolving, as a species, out of the inherent tribalism of “us” versus “them”— I truly believe that. I think we’re in the final spasms of a very old paradigm. To make the shift, we have to start leading from compassion. And first we have to talk talk talk about it. Please keep it coming.
Nice piece, Val. Well done.
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