Here's a man's perspective, off the cuff, without overthinking it. First of all, I will always have a crush on Jane Fonda. Always. I fell for her in Hal Ashby's brilliant anti-war film, Coming home. Surely she's never looked more radiant, or sexy. So, yeah, looks play into it, but also undeniable intelligence and depth of feeling. The beauty myth is VERY tricky, for women and for men. My opinion has changed over the years, as I'VE aged, bless patriarchal little heart. I'm a dyed in the wool feminist, but I'm also a man. I used to think NO FAKE ANYTHING. No fake boobs, no collagen injections for those bee stung looking lips. Give me a natural woman, please. Even now, today, I don't know if there's anything sexier than a healthy woman who allows herself to actually look her age. Grey hair, scant makeup, no work done. But where IS that woman. There aren't many out there, IF they have the money to do all they can to look the best they can.
Then I thought about it some more, deeper, harder. As impossible as it is, I TRIED to walk a mile in a woman's moccasin's. And the hard truth is, if I WAS a women, I would probably do everything in my power and within my means to look as good as I could. If that meant a tuck or a lift or whatever, I'd probably fall victim to the game. It would be hard not to. Because I'm human, and yeah, I compare myself to others humans. And I too live in this fucked up society that judges people largely on the merits of how they look. But what if you HAD your life partner secured? What if you loved yourself and were confident that you were loved, AS YOU ARE? These are all questions of a thousand dreams. One thing I know for sure. I'm not about to judge anyone on this issue. DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO, RIGHT? It is after all, your body, your face. But all of this is maybe surface blather when it comes right down to it. The greatest thing I've ever read on this subject was written by one Robert Hass, in a prose poem called A Story About the Body. Since the day I first read it, in 1992, I've never forgotten it. Here it is -The young composer, working that summer at an artist’s colony, had watched her for a week. She was Japanese, a painter, almost sixty, and he thought he was in love with her. He loved her work, and her work was like the way she moved her body, used her hands, looked at him directly when she mused and considered answers to his questions. One night, walking back from a concert, they came to her door and she turned to him and said, “I think you would like to have me. I would like that too, but I must tell you that I have had a double mastectomy,” and when he didn’t understand, “I’ve lost both my breasts.” The radiance that he had carried around in his belly and chest cavity–like music–withered quickly, and he made himself look at her when he said, “I’m sorry I don’t think I could.” He walked back to his own cabin through the pines, and in the morning he found a small blue bowl on the porch outside his door. It looked to be full of rose petals, but he found when he picked it up that the rose petals were on top; the rest of the bowl–she must have swept the corners of her studio–was full of dead bees.
First, thank you for your use of the word “ensorcelling.” I aim to use it three times in conversation today. Second, thank you having the courage to explore this topic, and for asking the real question: Why must a goddess like Fonda feel the need to spend this much time and money on her face when she is so gorgeous in every way without spending this much time and money. My guess: the Patriarchy, which makes me mad. Even though I feel the pressure on an almost daily basis to succumb to our effed up society’s emphasis on “perfection” in women by injecting something into my face to stay employable and acceptable, I try to think about the fact that it’s men in power who apply that pressure and I will rage against the machine as long as I have the courage. I do not judge the women who do it. I understand them and empathize fully and wish them serenity. But, in my opinion, we have to be the change we want to see in the world. I want my kid to grow up not having to feel that there is something wrong with her when there isn’t. And there is so much beauty in the face of aging women. Of course, I’m part of an industry that literally IS the problem, so what am I talking about...but I have tried to do my part in changing things for the better. It makes me so mad! And my anger keeps me from altering myself beyond hair color and Invisalign. Thanks, Val. Love your thought-provoking writing always.
So, I loved Grace and Frankie when it first came out because they were addressing realities of aging that was so rarely seen on TV, and doing so with humor and truth. At the same time, it was hard for me to see Ms. Fonda looking SO good at her age (although I believe she was playing the role of a woman who was about decade earlier than her actual age and she COULD) because it's such an unrealistic expectation for those of us who don't have access to such resources. Yet I can certaintly understand the pressure that she must feel even as much as she was such a radical in her younger years. So challenging...
Thank you for this. And for the link to Tea with Dames. I welled up with tears to see Joan Plowright. I thought she had died. Turns out her birthday is this Thursday, Oct. 28! I love her. And "ensorcelling". NICE! I shall use this word 20 times this week.
Here's a man's perspective, off the cuff, without overthinking it. First of all, I will always have a crush on Jane Fonda. Always. I fell for her in Hal Ashby's brilliant anti-war film, Coming home. Surely she's never looked more radiant, or sexy. So, yeah, looks play into it, but also undeniable intelligence and depth of feeling. The beauty myth is VERY tricky, for women and for men. My opinion has changed over the years, as I'VE aged, bless patriarchal little heart. I'm a dyed in the wool feminist, but I'm also a man. I used to think NO FAKE ANYTHING. No fake boobs, no collagen injections for those bee stung looking lips. Give me a natural woman, please. Even now, today, I don't know if there's anything sexier than a healthy woman who allows herself to actually look her age. Grey hair, scant makeup, no work done. But where IS that woman. There aren't many out there, IF they have the money to do all they can to look the best they can.
Then I thought about it some more, deeper, harder. As impossible as it is, I TRIED to walk a mile in a woman's moccasin's. And the hard truth is, if I WAS a women, I would probably do everything in my power and within my means to look as good as I could. If that meant a tuck or a lift or whatever, I'd probably fall victim to the game. It would be hard not to. Because I'm human, and yeah, I compare myself to others humans. And I too live in this fucked up society that judges people largely on the merits of how they look. But what if you HAD your life partner secured? What if you loved yourself and were confident that you were loved, AS YOU ARE? These are all questions of a thousand dreams. One thing I know for sure. I'm not about to judge anyone on this issue. DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO, RIGHT? It is after all, your body, your face. But all of this is maybe surface blather when it comes right down to it. The greatest thing I've ever read on this subject was written by one Robert Hass, in a prose poem called A Story About the Body. Since the day I first read it, in 1992, I've never forgotten it. Here it is -The young composer, working that summer at an artist’s colony, had watched her for a week. She was Japanese, a painter, almost sixty, and he thought he was in love with her. He loved her work, and her work was like the way she moved her body, used her hands, looked at him directly when she mused and considered answers to his questions. One night, walking back from a concert, they came to her door and she turned to him and said, “I think you would like to have me. I would like that too, but I must tell you that I have had a double mastectomy,” and when he didn’t understand, “I’ve lost both my breasts.” The radiance that he had carried around in his belly and chest cavity–like music–withered quickly, and he made himself look at her when he said, “I’m sorry I don’t think I could.” He walked back to his own cabin through the pines, and in the morning he found a small blue bowl on the porch outside his door. It looked to be full of rose petals, but he found when he picked it up that the rose petals were on top; the rest of the bowl–she must have swept the corners of her studio–was full of dead bees.
First, thank you for your use of the word “ensorcelling.” I aim to use it three times in conversation today. Second, thank you having the courage to explore this topic, and for asking the real question: Why must a goddess like Fonda feel the need to spend this much time and money on her face when she is so gorgeous in every way without spending this much time and money. My guess: the Patriarchy, which makes me mad. Even though I feel the pressure on an almost daily basis to succumb to our effed up society’s emphasis on “perfection” in women by injecting something into my face to stay employable and acceptable, I try to think about the fact that it’s men in power who apply that pressure and I will rage against the machine as long as I have the courage. I do not judge the women who do it. I understand them and empathize fully and wish them serenity. But, in my opinion, we have to be the change we want to see in the world. I want my kid to grow up not having to feel that there is something wrong with her when there isn’t. And there is so much beauty in the face of aging women. Of course, I’m part of an industry that literally IS the problem, so what am I talking about...but I have tried to do my part in changing things for the better. It makes me so mad! And my anger keeps me from altering myself beyond hair color and Invisalign. Thanks, Val. Love your thought-provoking writing always.
So, I loved Grace and Frankie when it first came out because they were addressing realities of aging that was so rarely seen on TV, and doing so with humor and truth. At the same time, it was hard for me to see Ms. Fonda looking SO good at her age (although I believe she was playing the role of a woman who was about decade earlier than her actual age and she COULD) because it's such an unrealistic expectation for those of us who don't have access to such resources. Yet I can certaintly understand the pressure that she must feel even as much as she was such a radical in her younger years. So challenging...
Fabulous post. Agree with it all.
Thank you for this. And for the link to Tea with Dames. I welled up with tears to see Joan Plowright. I thought she had died. Turns out her birthday is this Thursday, Oct. 28! I love her. And "ensorcelling". NICE! I shall use this word 20 times this week.