I’m delighted whenever I see your newsletter pop up in my inbox. No exception today. The word that came to mind for me in the ‘anti-aging’ conundrum is vibrancy. When I’m engaged, open, expansive (not contacting), I’m sure there’s a glow to my skin and spring in my step; a light in my 66-yr old eyes not there when I’m feeling the opposite. I’m sure I feel that spark and I’ll bet whoever I’m with can see and is probably attracted by it. In Erikson’s stages of development it’s termed Generativity vs. Stagnation, but I think ‘vibrancy’ is the better term in the health & wellness/beauty industry 😊
Ah yes, the seductive marketing of “anti-aging”! I think the goal of most of us who have questioned this marketing as you and your friend did in conversation, it’s really simply to age gracefully and with confidence. In fact, embracing the knowledge, which often feels like the best kept secret, that there is so much about our years over 50 that feels incredibly beautiful and empowering. I wonder, why is it not enough to simply use the phrase “beauty enhancing”?
Beauty enhancing is better than anti-aging as I certainly have felt more beautiful with time and age. Maybe not as catchy- but that’s only because we haven’t claimed it yet. I mean, only 30 years ago smoking was still seen as glamorous. So things CAN change!
Val, you tackled the BIG one here. And you found the answer............If we all just follow your instructions in the last section for the PARTY, we will all LOVE getting older.
Dec 13, 2022·edited Dec 13, 2022Liked by Valerie Monroe
Anti-aging as a word and concept is OUT.
AND, Decay and aging are not synonymous, though one of the best definitions of health is the slowest possible rate of death.
Between the double-sided mirror of age resistance, and total acceptance is a third mirror, where you can cultivate beauty as an energy without it having anything to do with how you or other people think you look.
Beauty wellness as a category is strong, though it's already been co-opted by the injection folks to the best of their ability.
My answer lies in the golden ground of appreciation and the senses.
High Value Radiance doesn't come from a bottle, a needle or knife and never did.
Great discussion! I love the "beauty enhancing" phrase. All I could come up with was "healthy looks" which didn't seem right. The industry needs to change! I don't enjoy being inundated constantly with hype telling me I need to be doing something to look younger.
Dec 16, 2022·edited Dec 16, 2022Liked by Valerie Monroe
Oh, Val. I loved this. You know I love how you think of beauty, but this is really, *really*, getting to the crux of things.
The distillation of my many thoughts on this dovetail with your own conclusion: what we're seeking is connection. Nature does not judge itself. It just is. When we do not declare we are "anti"anything, but say "yes" to everything, when we stop trying to control everything, when we drop the resistance, and understand that there is mind, there is body, and there is spirit -- that is when we are most free.
Spirit is about expanding the space around us to create. And what is creation if it does not include destruction? Control is the anti-destruction.
So, yes, let there be aging, decaying, and letting go. They are beautiful.
Feb 3, 2023·edited Feb 3, 2023Liked by Valerie Monroe
In late December I attended a 60th birthday party for a friend who I've known since high school and reconnected at our 40th high school reunion. She used to sit behind me in homeroom and we'd talk about her fashion finds from Filene's Basement in Boston. As I observed her being surrounded by loving friends and family, all I could think is that she (and her friends who have entered or entering our 60th decade) was absolutely gorgeus in all the ways that mattered AND she wore a beautiful outfit and a face that just glowed. I'm grateful that I get to be around people like her that allow me to age a bit more gracefully because we're doing it together.
Wonderful and thank you for the linked essay about generativity. I agree with you and your friend's assessment of what makes a woman feel beautiful. My goal is to feel more and wonder less what others think of my appearance. My struggle, and my fantasy, is wanting to me more beautiful than I am instead of accepting my face and body fully and not worrying about it so much. I don't go to big efforts to improve my appearance which is interesting considering how much I want to be attractive. I know there is only so much a person can improve aesthetically, and I have a certain vanity that wants to come across as natural and "not vain".
I often feel attractive, but I still wonder if I'm actually conventionally attractive to others, which helps nothing. Seeing how I look in photos, or catching a glimpse of my reflection off guard can burst my bubble. I don't care about feeling beautiful, I want to BE beautiful, and yes, I see the folly in that statement. It's all maddening and my preoccupation with being physically attractive probably reveals my real desire, which is to be loved and included.
i do so love your writing. "what the hell" - especially excellent. i have nothing to add except -i think everyone here will enjoy today's profile of Judith Thurman in NYT , another intelligent & honest woman reflecting on the human condition, the female condition.
Val, I love this one. I get so excited anytime I think about women re-imagining standards for themselves. I'm with you on connectedness: when I feel close to my spouse, friends, children, I feel most peaceful and grounded. In that context, I stop thinking about beauty at all, because I've already got whatever beauty might have given me: a sense of wholeness and worth. xx
My go to to instantly ‘anti age’ is a smile, it has to be genuine and it doesn’t matter whether it’s small or huge it still lights up the eyes, and takes care of some of the wrinkles that seem to accumulate around your mouth area. A smile also works inwardly, lightening your mood and lifting your spirits… a win win in my opinion.
I wish you a very happy Christmas and hope that 2023 brings you an inordinately large amount of joy. Lindsey 💐
Dear Val, have been thinking about your amazing, insightful post all day. Regarding wondering whether qualities like generosity and openness manifest physiologically, I don’t know of any studies either.
But I do remember a quote from the astute “social scientist” Coco Chanel: “Nature gives you the face you have at 20. Life shapes the face you have at 30. But at 50 you get the face you deserve.” I think Mademoiselle was onto something!
And of course I began to stroll down Memory Lane. About 20-some years ago, along with other members of the fabulous beauty director community, we had the honor of being featured in makeup artist extraordinaire Sonia Kashuk’s book “Real Beauty.”
Among the Qs Sonia asked us was “When do you feel most beautiful?” At the time your answer included “It has less to do with, you know, my bone structure and the condition of my skin, than it has to do with the way I feel about having raised a wonderful, gorgeous boy and having a job that I love, doing work that I feel is important—all of these things make me feel beautiful.”
You were, indeed, onto something big too, and time has certainly enriched your perspective. Today’s comment about what makes you feel most beautiful, when you “feel connection. awe and appreciation for the ocean of mystery we all tread in” beautifully expands the possibilities of what can put us in touch with our own beauty. So I’m guessing — and hoping—that you feel more beautiful than ever!
Thank you again for helping all of us to feel more alive, more attuned to the present, and therefore, more beautiful!
I’m delighted whenever I see your newsletter pop up in my inbox. No exception today. The word that came to mind for me in the ‘anti-aging’ conundrum is vibrancy. When I’m engaged, open, expansive (not contacting), I’m sure there’s a glow to my skin and spring in my step; a light in my 66-yr old eyes not there when I’m feeling the opposite. I’m sure I feel that spark and I’ll bet whoever I’m with can see and is probably attracted by it. In Erikson’s stages of development it’s termed Generativity vs. Stagnation, but I think ‘vibrancy’ is the better term in the health & wellness/beauty industry 😊
Ah yes, the seductive marketing of “anti-aging”! I think the goal of most of us who have questioned this marketing as you and your friend did in conversation, it’s really simply to age gracefully and with confidence. In fact, embracing the knowledge, which often feels like the best kept secret, that there is so much about our years over 50 that feels incredibly beautiful and empowering. I wonder, why is it not enough to simply use the phrase “beauty enhancing”?
Beauty enhancing is better than anti-aging as I certainly have felt more beautiful with time and age. Maybe not as catchy- but that’s only because we haven’t claimed it yet. I mean, only 30 years ago smoking was still seen as glamorous. So things CAN change!
Val, you tackled the BIG one here. And you found the answer............If we all just follow your instructions in the last section for the PARTY, we will all LOVE getting older.
and a P.S to an alternative to anti-aging, I use the term TimeLight. Visible aging is heavy time. I help my clients become TimeLight.
Well-aging is what I see most brands embracing.
Anti-aging as a word and concept is OUT.
AND, Decay and aging are not synonymous, though one of the best definitions of health is the slowest possible rate of death.
Between the double-sided mirror of age resistance, and total acceptance is a third mirror, where you can cultivate beauty as an energy without it having anything to do with how you or other people think you look.
Beauty wellness as a category is strong, though it's already been co-opted by the injection folks to the best of their ability.
My answer lies in the golden ground of appreciation and the senses.
High Value Radiance doesn't come from a bottle, a needle or knife and never did.
Great discussion! I love the "beauty enhancing" phrase. All I could come up with was "healthy looks" which didn't seem right. The industry needs to change! I don't enjoy being inundated constantly with hype telling me I need to be doing something to look younger.
Oh, Val. I loved this. You know I love how you think of beauty, but this is really, *really*, getting to the crux of things.
The distillation of my many thoughts on this dovetail with your own conclusion: what we're seeking is connection. Nature does not judge itself. It just is. When we do not declare we are "anti"anything, but say "yes" to everything, when we stop trying to control everything, when we drop the resistance, and understand that there is mind, there is body, and there is spirit -- that is when we are most free.
Spirit is about expanding the space around us to create. And what is creation if it does not include destruction? Control is the anti-destruction.
So, yes, let there be aging, decaying, and letting go. They are beautiful.
This newsletter is my new favorite. It feels like advice from a very wise and elegant friend. Just upgraded to paid! ❤️
In late December I attended a 60th birthday party for a friend who I've known since high school and reconnected at our 40th high school reunion. She used to sit behind me in homeroom and we'd talk about her fashion finds from Filene's Basement in Boston. As I observed her being surrounded by loving friends and family, all I could think is that she (and her friends who have entered or entering our 60th decade) was absolutely gorgeus in all the ways that mattered AND she wore a beautiful outfit and a face that just glowed. I'm grateful that I get to be around people like her that allow me to age a bit more gracefully because we're doing it together.
Wonderful and thank you for the linked essay about generativity. I agree with you and your friend's assessment of what makes a woman feel beautiful. My goal is to feel more and wonder less what others think of my appearance. My struggle, and my fantasy, is wanting to me more beautiful than I am instead of accepting my face and body fully and not worrying about it so much. I don't go to big efforts to improve my appearance which is interesting considering how much I want to be attractive. I know there is only so much a person can improve aesthetically, and I have a certain vanity that wants to come across as natural and "not vain".
I often feel attractive, but I still wonder if I'm actually conventionally attractive to others, which helps nothing. Seeing how I look in photos, or catching a glimpse of my reflection off guard can burst my bubble. I don't care about feeling beautiful, I want to BE beautiful, and yes, I see the folly in that statement. It's all maddening and my preoccupation with being physically attractive probably reveals my real desire, which is to be loved and included.
i do so love your writing. "what the hell" - especially excellent. i have nothing to add except -i think everyone here will enjoy today's profile of Judith Thurman in NYT , another intelligent & honest woman reflecting on the human condition, the female condition.
Val, I love this one. I get so excited anytime I think about women re-imagining standards for themselves. I'm with you on connectedness: when I feel close to my spouse, friends, children, I feel most peaceful and grounded. In that context, I stop thinking about beauty at all, because I've already got whatever beauty might have given me: a sense of wholeness and worth. xx
My go to to instantly ‘anti age’ is a smile, it has to be genuine and it doesn’t matter whether it’s small or huge it still lights up the eyes, and takes care of some of the wrinkles that seem to accumulate around your mouth area. A smile also works inwardly, lightening your mood and lifting your spirits… a win win in my opinion.
I wish you a very happy Christmas and hope that 2023 brings you an inordinately large amount of joy. Lindsey 💐
“What the hell?” —I love that. And love the post.
Dear Val, have been thinking about your amazing, insightful post all day. Regarding wondering whether qualities like generosity and openness manifest physiologically, I don’t know of any studies either.
But I do remember a quote from the astute “social scientist” Coco Chanel: “Nature gives you the face you have at 20. Life shapes the face you have at 30. But at 50 you get the face you deserve.” I think Mademoiselle was onto something!
And of course I began to stroll down Memory Lane. About 20-some years ago, along with other members of the fabulous beauty director community, we had the honor of being featured in makeup artist extraordinaire Sonia Kashuk’s book “Real Beauty.”
Among the Qs Sonia asked us was “When do you feel most beautiful?” At the time your answer included “It has less to do with, you know, my bone structure and the condition of my skin, than it has to do with the way I feel about having raised a wonderful, gorgeous boy and having a job that I love, doing work that I feel is important—all of these things make me feel beautiful.”
You were, indeed, onto something big too, and time has certainly enriched your perspective. Today’s comment about what makes you feel most beautiful, when you “feel connection. awe and appreciation for the ocean of mystery we all tread in” beautifully expands the possibilities of what can put us in touch with our own beauty. So I’m guessing — and hoping—that you feel more beautiful than ever!
Thank you again for helping all of us to feel more alive, more attuned to the present, and therefore, more beautiful!