I'm in my sixties and have lived through a lot of skincare trends that claimed miraculous results only to be debunked 10 years later...I think the saying "too good to be true" is especially true with skincare. I have never seen a (celebrity) skincare spokesperson who doesn't look their age at 50 or 60. Aging is inevitable no matter what products claim. And finally, when you see a 50, 60 or 70 year old woman who has had "work" done are you ever fooled into thinking that she is 20 years younger than her age or, intstead do you think "wow, she had some good (or bad) work done"- I just think that skincare marketing uses all of our insecurities against us in very cynical ways.
Maria-Thiana -- you're so right about skincare trends (the majority of them, anyway) and the notion that they're too good to be true. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful comment here! xo
I really wish people would change the narrative around fine lines/wrinkles. What's wrong with wrinkles? Sure a fine line might suggest you're aging, god forbid, over 25, but what's wrong with aging and living with wrinkles and gray hair? Why do the signs of aging send people to botox and colorists at an alarming rate? It is especially concerning that a 30 year old is fretting the potential of a fine line. But I get it, social media and Hollywood promote this culture. At that age I use to fret the gain of 1/2 a pound! But I'm older, wiser, and now I refuse to let that culture scare me into thinking that my wrinkles or not so flat stomach devalues my worth. The plastic-like faces I see everywhere only distract me as I can only think they look like every other botoxed face. Yes, take care of your skin, moisturize, protect it from the sun damage to prevent skin cancers, and darn it, lovingly embrace the opportunity to age beautifully with pride! Not shame. Thank you Valerie - I love your writing!
Margaret, thank you so much for your thoughtful, wise comment. I am so glad you're enjoying HNTFUYF; I hope you'll continue to read it and feel supported here. Happy New Year to you! xo
In my job, I see quite a few people who have obviously done something to their face. As far as I can tell, they don’t look younger. They look like they’ve done something to their face.
Love this advice. Also, I’m hoping that none of the lovely youth (or anyone!) are smokers, because that ages the face... when I look around at my friends (young 60s), there’s a marked difference between those who smoked and those who did not... save your face! (and health)
Jen, thanks for your wise comment and you're so right about not smoking! If you look at photos of smokers' faces compared to faces of non-smokers the differences are stunning. xo
Makes me sad that a 30-year-old is considering Botox. I think this is the result of social media and all the comparisons that the young women do on whether they look like the influencers. The pressure must be horrible. I'm glad to have escaped all this nonsense!
Gail, I agree that social media is one of the most harmful influences on our notions about our appearance; and I wish I could say I've escaped all the nonsense, but I'm working on it! xo
I love all these comments. I am 70 and am not a sun worshipper but live in a hot sunny place. Hats and sunscreen and consistency with skin care have done a good job for me. I have plenty of smile lines and even 'number 11s' and some pigmentation, but I look like me and I'm happy with that. Thank you for your well balanced posts. Husband and I both caught a nasty little virus two days after our latest Covid vaccine so we couldn't even test ourselves to see what we had. We have finally recovered after several weeks so I wish you a good recovery too. Thank you.
Ardys! Thank you for your kind words about HNTFUYF and for sharing your feelings about your appearance. How lovely and refreshing they are! I'm glad you and your husband have recovered; thanks to many vaccinations my bout was pretty mild, but I'm masking up again now whenever I'm inside a public place. Kind of a pain in the butt, but worth it! xo
In medical school I did a dermatology rotation. One day the older attending dermatologist I was shadowing sighed that the patient we were about to see wasn’t his favorite patient. We go into the patient’s room and this woman starts screaming at the dermatologist. She’s irate. She’s undone. She’s angry, shrieking at him that she looks like she’s 25 years old!!!! He gently replies “You are 25 years old.” And she goes on with her tantrum protesting that the reason she was coming to see him was to make her look younger and that he was a failure.
I was raised by wolves. Hippie wolves. And the absolute worst thing anyone could be in my childhood was spoiled. This young woman was having an absolute meltdown. I didn’t know people could behave like that and not face any consequences. I learned from Brené
.. that the number one shame trigger for women is body image. It’s ingrained in us. We’re all awash in Western beauty standards. The average age at which a girl starts dieting is six years old. Patriarchy is a helluva drug. We don’t live outside our culture.
My sad story from September 2022- my husband and I were walking to an abortion rights rally. We live in Iowa City a University town. And to get to the campus where the Abortion Rights rally is, we walk past this sorority house that has maybe forty young women- all no more than a size six, all dressed in short shorts and skimpy tops. They’re chanting cheering 📣 in unison in a crowded mass pressed against each other some sorta sorority cheer that goes on and on, and their arms are raised above their heads and their jumping in unison, and we walk a couple more blocks and the abortion rights rally is the most pitiful small depressed disheartened crowd you’ve ever seen.
We’re failing young women. We’re teaching them their self worth is tied to their appearance. Prettiness is all that matters. On the floor of the Iowa Statehouse before this horrendous abortion ban was rammed through the Statehouse in July, Democratic lawmakers were trying to add an exception to the Abortion ban that children less than 12 years old who’ve been raped be allowed to access abortion services. They were voted down. So now children as young as 10 years old who are raped and impregnated will be forced to carry that pregnancy. The Botox is tied to the loss of abortion rights. Because patriarchy only cares if a girl is skinny and pretty.
I’m 40 and have been doing Botox on my forehead and in between my eyes for about 2 years now. I’m “due” for my next round next week and am really struggling with whether to cancel the appointment. Sometimes, I think the Botox just moves the wrinkles to other places. My face is like - oh so I can’t scowl at people anymore? Fine, I’ll pop up some weird wrinkles on the outside of your eyebrows then.
I’m not much of a social media follower, but every other 40-year-old woman is and they all do Botox. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to look like. And many of the other women in my family (including my 62-year-old mom and 32 year old sister) do Botox. So I really don’t know what “normal” aging looks like. I do know I’m tired of spending the money, but I’m also really scared of looking like I haven’t “aged well” (with all the moral judgment that implies). Quite the conundrum.
Meredith, first, thank you for sharing your thoughtful comments here. I believe what you're expressing is wildly common among women your age, but I'm not sure it's often mentioned. So I'm going to bring it up in a future post. In the meantime, before you submit to more injections, why not have a consultation with your dermatologist to air your concerns? If he or she is a skillful, experienced physician (and a good listener) they might be able to assuage your worry and help you find a more comfortable schedule for treatments (or none at all). As for looking like you've "aged well," make sure a broad spectrum sunscreen is on your agenda, as that's the most effective treatment for healthy skin. Everything else is...optional. xo
As a 37 year old who’s had a frozen forehead for the past 7 years due to medical botox, I hate it! It’s changed my smile and I worry my facial aging will look off.
Katie, another young reader just wrote with a very similar issue, which I'm planning to address as best I can in next week's post. I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappy with how the neurotoxin has affected your appearance and I hope I'll be able to offer some kind of helpful solution. Thank you for sharing your experience here! xo
Baby Botox! I’ve seen my half-my-age coworkers starting this and I’m amazed. Travel is the way to spend your money ladies!!
But wait. I went and read the post on crows feet and dropped my phone at the part where you said you didn’t wear glasses. Please pause and let’s celebrate how well your vision is treating you—wait, I need to get a speck of something off of my trifocals. There is always something to celebrate!!
I recently received the Thanksgiving gift (didn't know there was such a thing) of my very first bout of COVID. I hope yours stays mild as mine was. My husband's was so brief he tested negative on Day 4! Best wishes! This was a great response to the Baby Botox question!
JH, I'm glad your bout of Covid was mild (mine, too, and my first, as well). And now I'm back to masking up for the time being. Thanks for your good wishes—and I'm very glad you liked the baby Botox advice! xo
75 yo and I swear by a botanical skin care line made in Canada. No injectables, no retinols...the line I use carries a facial cream made with bakuchiol ( a plant from India and one they have used for skincare for millenia) which promotes collagen, my cleanser is mangosteen and lactic acid to retexturize my skin by increasing cell turnover, a marine flower serum to use before the cream. I use these products morning and night; that's it. I still have fine lines but they are not as noticable. As others note use of a good sunscreen ( I use a tinted one) is a daily necessity. I wear a hat or golf visor all summer for additional protection. I also treat myself to a professional cleansing facial on occasion.
At my age I rarely use makeup other than a bit of mascara, a brow pencil and tinted lip balm. IMO, lines add character to our faces. I'm not trying to look younger only trying to look my best. I've seen some disastrous results for some women as they get drawn into more and more procedures. SAD!
Susan, your routine sounds great—not least because it suits you! Your makeup routine is the same as mine: quick and easy. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful comment here. xo
As a 62 yo who didn’t look after her skin properly when she was younger (sunburns, not washing my face after fun nights out, not wearing sunscreen), I now place skincare at the top of my priority list . I get the occasional facial+Derma planing, and plan to try IPL. I refuse to get Botox, fillers, or other invasive procedures even though they might remove the bags under my eyes, incoming jowl lines, and wrinkles. For me, less (makeup) is best, and I usually only draw in my brows and wear lipstick. My skin feels better without layers of foundation, blush, etc.. I believe in ageing naturally. I totally agree with you that she probably has close to perfect skin now. Years from now, we’ll all look back at our photos and wonder why we were so disappointed in ourselves.
I'm in my sixties and have lived through a lot of skincare trends that claimed miraculous results only to be debunked 10 years later...I think the saying "too good to be true" is especially true with skincare. I have never seen a (celebrity) skincare spokesperson who doesn't look their age at 50 or 60. Aging is inevitable no matter what products claim. And finally, when you see a 50, 60 or 70 year old woman who has had "work" done are you ever fooled into thinking that she is 20 years younger than her age or, intstead do you think "wow, she had some good (or bad) work done"- I just think that skincare marketing uses all of our insecurities against us in very cynical ways.
Maria-Thiana -- you're so right about skincare trends (the majority of them, anyway) and the notion that they're too good to be true. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful comment here! xo
I really wish people would change the narrative around fine lines/wrinkles. What's wrong with wrinkles? Sure a fine line might suggest you're aging, god forbid, over 25, but what's wrong with aging and living with wrinkles and gray hair? Why do the signs of aging send people to botox and colorists at an alarming rate? It is especially concerning that a 30 year old is fretting the potential of a fine line. But I get it, social media and Hollywood promote this culture. At that age I use to fret the gain of 1/2 a pound! But I'm older, wiser, and now I refuse to let that culture scare me into thinking that my wrinkles or not so flat stomach devalues my worth. The plastic-like faces I see everywhere only distract me as I can only think they look like every other botoxed face. Yes, take care of your skin, moisturize, protect it from the sun damage to prevent skin cancers, and darn it, lovingly embrace the opportunity to age beautifully with pride! Not shame. Thank you Valerie - I love your writing!
Margaret, thank you so much for your thoughtful, wise comment. I am so glad you're enjoying HNTFUYF; I hope you'll continue to read it and feel supported here. Happy New Year to you! xo
In my job, I see quite a few people who have obviously done something to their face. As far as I can tell, they don’t look younger. They look like they’ve done something to their face.
Jay -- thanks for sharing your observation here; I often see the same thing. Not younger, but different, when the treatments are overdone. xo
Love this advice. Also, I’m hoping that none of the lovely youth (or anyone!) are smokers, because that ages the face... when I look around at my friends (young 60s), there’s a marked difference between those who smoked and those who did not... save your face! (and health)
Jen, thanks for your wise comment and you're so right about not smoking! If you look at photos of smokers' faces compared to faces of non-smokers the differences are stunning. xo
Makes me sad that a 30-year-old is considering Botox. I think this is the result of social media and all the comparisons that the young women do on whether they look like the influencers. The pressure must be horrible. I'm glad to have escaped all this nonsense!
Gail, I agree that social media is one of the most harmful influences on our notions about our appearance; and I wish I could say I've escaped all the nonsense, but I'm working on it! xo
I love all these comments. I am 70 and am not a sun worshipper but live in a hot sunny place. Hats and sunscreen and consistency with skin care have done a good job for me. I have plenty of smile lines and even 'number 11s' and some pigmentation, but I look like me and I'm happy with that. Thank you for your well balanced posts. Husband and I both caught a nasty little virus two days after our latest Covid vaccine so we couldn't even test ourselves to see what we had. We have finally recovered after several weeks so I wish you a good recovery too. Thank you.
Ardys! Thank you for your kind words about HNTFUYF and for sharing your feelings about your appearance. How lovely and refreshing they are! I'm glad you and your husband have recovered; thanks to many vaccinations my bout was pretty mild, but I'm masking up again now whenever I'm inside a public place. Kind of a pain in the butt, but worth it! xo
We wore masks for a couple of weeks too, and will still wear them when we travel and are in crowded places.
Excellent idea. xo
In medical school I did a dermatology rotation. One day the older attending dermatologist I was shadowing sighed that the patient we were about to see wasn’t his favorite patient. We go into the patient’s room and this woman starts screaming at the dermatologist. She’s irate. She’s undone. She’s angry, shrieking at him that she looks like she’s 25 years old!!!! He gently replies “You are 25 years old.” And she goes on with her tantrum protesting that the reason she was coming to see him was to make her look younger and that he was a failure.
I was raised by wolves. Hippie wolves. And the absolute worst thing anyone could be in my childhood was spoiled. This young woman was having an absolute meltdown. I didn’t know people could behave like that and not face any consequences. I learned from Brené
Ida, um...whoa! xo
.. that the number one shame trigger for women is body image. It’s ingrained in us. We’re all awash in Western beauty standards. The average age at which a girl starts dieting is six years old. Patriarchy is a helluva drug. We don’t live outside our culture.
My sad story from September 2022- my husband and I were walking to an abortion rights rally. We live in Iowa City a University town. And to get to the campus where the Abortion Rights rally is, we walk past this sorority house that has maybe forty young women- all no more than a size six, all dressed in short shorts and skimpy tops. They’re chanting cheering 📣 in unison in a crowded mass pressed against each other some sorta sorority cheer that goes on and on, and their arms are raised above their heads and their jumping in unison, and we walk a couple more blocks and the abortion rights rally is the most pitiful small depressed disheartened crowd you’ve ever seen.
We’re failing young women. We’re teaching them their self worth is tied to their appearance. Prettiness is all that matters. On the floor of the Iowa Statehouse before this horrendous abortion ban was rammed through the Statehouse in July, Democratic lawmakers were trying to add an exception to the Abortion ban that children less than 12 years old who’ve been raped be allowed to access abortion services. They were voted down. So now children as young as 10 years old who are raped and impregnated will be forced to carry that pregnancy. The Botox is tied to the loss of abortion rights. Because patriarchy only cares if a girl is skinny and pretty.
I’m 40 and have been doing Botox on my forehead and in between my eyes for about 2 years now. I’m “due” for my next round next week and am really struggling with whether to cancel the appointment. Sometimes, I think the Botox just moves the wrinkles to other places. My face is like - oh so I can’t scowl at people anymore? Fine, I’ll pop up some weird wrinkles on the outside of your eyebrows then.
I’m not much of a social media follower, but every other 40-year-old woman is and they all do Botox. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to look like. And many of the other women in my family (including my 62-year-old mom and 32 year old sister) do Botox. So I really don’t know what “normal” aging looks like. I do know I’m tired of spending the money, but I’m also really scared of looking like I haven’t “aged well” (with all the moral judgment that implies). Quite the conundrum.
Meredith, first, thank you for sharing your thoughtful comments here. I believe what you're expressing is wildly common among women your age, but I'm not sure it's often mentioned. So I'm going to bring it up in a future post. In the meantime, before you submit to more injections, why not have a consultation with your dermatologist to air your concerns? If he or she is a skillful, experienced physician (and a good listener) they might be able to assuage your worry and help you find a more comfortable schedule for treatments (or none at all). As for looking like you've "aged well," make sure a broad spectrum sunscreen is on your agenda, as that's the most effective treatment for healthy skin. Everything else is...optional. xo
As a 37 year old who’s had a frozen forehead for the past 7 years due to medical botox, I hate it! It’s changed my smile and I worry my facial aging will look off.
Katie, another young reader just wrote with a very similar issue, which I'm planning to address as best I can in next week's post. I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappy with how the neurotoxin has affected your appearance and I hope I'll be able to offer some kind of helpful solution. Thank you for sharing your experience here! xo
Baby Botox! I’ve seen my half-my-age coworkers starting this and I’m amazed. Travel is the way to spend your money ladies!!
But wait. I went and read the post on crows feet and dropped my phone at the part where you said you didn’t wear glasses. Please pause and let’s celebrate how well your vision is treating you—wait, I need to get a speck of something off of my trifocals. There is always something to celebrate!!
Ha, Joy! I had cataract surgery so my vision is about 2020 now. But that didn't happen naturally! Hope you guys are all well after your trip! xo
I recently received the Thanksgiving gift (didn't know there was such a thing) of my very first bout of COVID. I hope yours stays mild as mine was. My husband's was so brief he tested negative on Day 4! Best wishes! This was a great response to the Baby Botox question!
JH, I'm glad your bout of Covid was mild (mine, too, and my first, as well). And now I'm back to masking up for the time being. Thanks for your good wishes—and I'm very glad you liked the baby Botox advice! xo
Feel better!!
Thank you, Kathleen, and Happy New Year to you! xo
75 yo and I swear by a botanical skin care line made in Canada. No injectables, no retinols...the line I use carries a facial cream made with bakuchiol ( a plant from India and one they have used for skincare for millenia) which promotes collagen, my cleanser is mangosteen and lactic acid to retexturize my skin by increasing cell turnover, a marine flower serum to use before the cream. I use these products morning and night; that's it. I still have fine lines but they are not as noticable. As others note use of a good sunscreen ( I use a tinted one) is a daily necessity. I wear a hat or golf visor all summer for additional protection. I also treat myself to a professional cleansing facial on occasion.
At my age I rarely use makeup other than a bit of mascara, a brow pencil and tinted lip balm. IMO, lines add character to our faces. I'm not trying to look younger only trying to look my best. I've seen some disastrous results for some women as they get drawn into more and more procedures. SAD!
Susan, your routine sounds great—not least because it suits you! Your makeup routine is the same as mine: quick and easy. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful comment here. xo
Wise comments and great voicy posts .. boo you are feeling better soon.. I am sending your substack link to my DIL and my daughter ..
Thank you, Jackie! I hope your daughter and DIL find HNTFUYF helpful. And I am feeling better, thanks, but masking now again all the time. xo
As a 62 yo who didn’t look after her skin properly when she was younger (sunburns, not washing my face after fun nights out, not wearing sunscreen), I now place skincare at the top of my priority list . I get the occasional facial+Derma planing, and plan to try IPL. I refuse to get Botox, fillers, or other invasive procedures even though they might remove the bags under my eyes, incoming jowl lines, and wrinkles. For me, less (makeup) is best, and I usually only draw in my brows and wear lipstick. My skin feels better without layers of foundation, blush, etc.. I believe in ageing naturally. I totally agree with you that she probably has close to perfect skin now. Years from now, we’ll all look back at our photos and wonder why we were so disappointed in ourselves.
I wear no foundation or powder, only a bit of eye makeup and lipstick and that works best for me too.
Same here! xo