The Subterranean Armpit Blues

plus, a reader asks "WWVD?"

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A reader recently emailed saying she has a new mantra when she’s in a beauty aisle or trying to figure out whether to invest in a widely-touted product or procedure: WWVD. Not what immediately came to my mind—Whoops, Which Venereal Disease?—but What Would Val Do?

This pleases me to no end, as I want to offer you the kind of advice that will increase your self-esteem while diminishing your cash outlay. Often, WWVD is nothing, a useful holdover from the old Al Anon aphorism, Don’t just do something—sit there. I find I sometimes feel like spending money when what I really want is spiritual comfort, or relief, or another thing money can’t buy. Which isn’t to say that a new lipstick can’t provide momentary pleasure; it can. But for me, it’s always worth taking time after I notice the impulse to buy to sit there with it. I might ask myself the five Ws:

• Who wants me to buy this? Who says I need it?

• What is it for?

• When and where would I use it?

• How much do I really want it? (This “W” is a little cheat.)

Interestingly, when I do this exercise and ultimately decide to invest in a thing, it amplifies my pleasure, getting me more bang for my buck.

🌴 🌴 🌴

As I write this, I’m on the way to meet my granddaughter, M, and her two delightful custodians for our annual family vacation on O’ahu. A superfan, I like to watch videos of M on the plane before I get there. My excitement couldn’t be greater, but the videos remind me: I’m going to see her in person! Sniff the divine eau de M! Swim with her in the Pacific!

Last year, as we bobbed and floated alone together one sultry afternoon, she turned to me and said harshly, “Grammie, get away from me!”

“What?” I said. “Is that any way to talk to your beloved Grammie?”

“Get away!” she said again, more urgently. “I’m peeing!”

I confess, she got the idea from me. After which we invented a little tune: how amaaaazingly free-ee we be, to pee like a fish in the sea!

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