You can tap that little ❤️ above to let me know you’re one of those wise, enlightened, sensible, perceptive, and insightful people (that is you, isn’t it?) who doesn’t want to f*ck up her face.
One more thing: If you like what you’re reading here and value the information shared, please sign up for a paying membership. Did you know I respond personally to every reader who writes to me? They’ll tell you that I freely offer them help (and insights). But a contribution from all of you who feel supported and seen by HNTFUYF would be so much appreciated. Think of what you’ve saved on products that aren’t worth the money! Think of the happy and encouraging voice you look forward to every Tuesday! My deepest gratitude to those of you who have already subscribed. 🙇♀️
About that happy and encouraging voice: It’s not easy to carry that tune today. I’ve collected a couple of newsy bits that are releasing an unmistakably jangly melody of…dystopia. But I hate to disappoint. So before I get to the weird stuff, I’ll offer a shot of beauty advice in response to a frustrated reader’s complaint.
“Ask Val” answers your urgent questions, Vol. 29
Yes, you in the very last row with the—WOW!—neon pink lips.
Q: I’m not sure what’s happening with the salespeople at beauty counters, but I just spent way more cash than I wanted to for a foundation, blush, and lipstick that all look terrible on me! The foundation is too dark, the blush too brown, and this lipstick, well, it’s communicating something in an alien language I’ll never understand. How can I put together a simple makeup stash?
A: You can do it and you don’t really need much help from a store clerk. (Some of them are terrifically astute about shade matching; in my experience, they’re the ones who’ve been doing it for years.)
I don’t wear foundation anymore and I believe if your skin is healthy-looking, a tinted moisturizer either worn alone or mixed with your regular moisturizer in a 1:1 ratio will do the trick. (The trick being evening-out your skin tone.) If you happen to be inhabiting a mature hide, you don’t want to apply a heavy foundation that’s going to sit in any lines or wrinkles and stick to the bit of fuzz we all accumulate. So look for a light formula. Here’s what I used to do when foundation was my friend. (Fair warning, this process can’t be rushed.) In a department store (where you can try on different shades), I’d ask a clerk to show me a foundation with a light texture. Once I found one that felt as light as a feather resting on the back of my hand, I asked for three shades, which I drew in three vertical lines on the side of my face above my jaw. Then I politely excused myself and ran outside with a hand mirror (I brought my own) to check the match. If none looked natural, back in I went for more shades to try again in the same way. When I found one that seemed to melt into my skin, that was the winner. Here are a few excellent options you might want to check out: Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk foundation, it Cosmetics CC+ Cream with SPF 50, Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer, and Glossier Perfecting Skin Tint.
As for blush, I’ve always preferred a cream because it’s easier to blend. I wore one with just a hint of sheen, which emphasizes the cheekbones. That one’s disappeared, but the Huda Beauty Cheeky Tint Cream Blush Stick comes close. A peach or rose shade works on almost every complexion. If you’re melanin-rich, you can wear a deeper red.
I’m not sure what your salesperson was thinking, because there are so many gorgeous lipsticks and glosses available now that it’s harder to go wrong than to find a shade that works for you. Bright or dark colors can look harsh unless you’re blessed with full lips. If that’s not in your profile, stick with a neutral shade or a deeper one in a transparent formula, which tends to be more forgiving. The buttery Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm crayons are easy to wear and look pretty on everyone. Want more glamour? Try the luscious Chanel Rouge Coco Bloom Lipstick.
I hope that was a playful romp for you. Because now we’re about to enter the weird, dystopian drama that is our current events.
In the leading role is the new movie Plan 75 about a near-future in Japan where the government has a program (Plan 75) encouraging the older generation to choose euthanasia in order to remedy the issues arising in an aging society. I’ve read that the film is devastating and ultimately reveals the toxicity of such a program, but the director, Chie Hayakawa, says she got the idea for the movie from her impressions of Japanese culture when she moved back to Tokyo from New York. She noticed, she says, government’s tendency to abandon the needy and marginalized. Sound familiar?
Then I found this story in The Scientist about researchers (also here in Japan) who dipped a robotic finger in a blend of collagen, dermal fibroblasts, and other stuff you and I are made of to generate something that is remarkably like human skin. So I’m thinking, Cool, when can I get a topical to refresh my complexion? But these researchers have a different goal: producing more human-like robots.
Is it just me or is there something eerie and unnerving about the juxtaposition of these two stories? One about throwing humans away, the other about perfecting robots to look more human.
I know what! How about something life-affirming right now? A lovely quote, maybe, from Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön?
“When we are willing to stay even a moment with uncomfortable energy, we gradually learn not to fear it.”
Or, more prosaically, one of my favorite summer dresses and a perfect little straw bag? Or best of all, a photo of my resourceful four-year-old granddaughter’s response when I told her Grammie was going home for the evening?
Book Club News: New Book!
Though I’ve been a latecomer to audiobooks, once I discovered them I couldn’t get enough. I borrow them from the public library, but as I’ve mentioned before, sometimes the library snatches them back before I can finish. So I'm happy to share I'm partnering with Chirp to organize an audiobook club of biographies and memoirs called “Unfiltered Women.” Two things: It’s free to subscribe and Chirp offers great deals. Plus, you obviously get to keep the book to listen to at your leisure.
Full transparency: At this point, I’m choosing not to receive payback for sign-ups, but I do hope to get the benefit of introducing HNTFUYF to Chirp subscribers.
Here’s how it works. Every other month I’ll announce a new book club pick that we’ll listen to together. You’ll have a chance to share your thoughts on the book a few weeks later and hear what other readers thought, too. My second pick is the memoir H Is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald. I’ve now listened to this book twice and I’m sure I could listen to it again and still get fresh insights into the author and find new poetry in her language. This is a story about how a woman deals with the sudden death of her beloved father by retreating into herself, keeping only one relationship alive: with Mabel, a goshawk she trains. Goshawks are notoriously difficult and Macdonald struggles to domesticate her. Mealtimes are especially grisly, but Macdonald seems immune to the blood and guts she often holds in her bare hands or stuffs into a pocket. She describes in minute detail the primeval, prehistoric beauty of the bird and her intelligence. The fear of abandonment is strong and Macdonald’s grief seems bottomless till she understands viscerally the healing power of human connection. Like me, you’ve probably never considered becoming a falconer—and you’ll be glad you didn’t when you’ve finished this book! But you’ll get inside the head of someone very different from you, and it’s a fascinating place to be.
To get started, go to chirpbooks.com/val and press FOLLOW to join my club. (Again, it’s free and there is NO commitment.) There, for a limited time, you can buy H Is for Hawk for only $2.99 (normally $19.95), including a 50% discount with code VAL50 if it's your first Chirp purchase.
Val Asks You
Don’t be shy! What’s your most vexing or intractable appearance issue? Send your beauty-related questions to valeriemonroe@substack.com. If I don’t have a good answer, I’ll find someone who does.
HNTFUYF, a Payola-Free Zone
Readers, a few of you have wondered aloud to me if I get a cut from sales when I mention a product. I do not. I only mention products I’d like to buy myself, and therefore think you might like, too. I share this so you know my recommendations are offered without obligation. The only financial contributions I receive from these posts are from those of you—thank you!—who have generously subscribed. All posts and the archive are free; there’s no paywall.
Ha I love this post!... and the photo. WHICH was so confusing.. until I made it bigger it looked like somehow the floor was torn up... optical illusion with leg. so bizarre after reading bizarre robotic skin stuff and I think rather than getting rid up us, stack us like cordwood with a great virtual reality headset and tube feed us. Remember your child controls the program..so be nice everyone!!!!
I used to barricade my grandparents in their bedroom with wrapping paper tubes so I empathize with your granddaughter!