How Not to F*ck Up Your Face

How Not to F*ck Up Your Face

Makeup Magic for Mature Skin

plus, the story of your face in six words

Valerie Monroe's avatar
Valerie Monroe
Mar 03, 2026
∙ Paid

Welcome readers, old and new!

Please tap that ❤️ above for an uplifting story about a feisty old woman who lives in a shoe happily with a robot.

I’m returning to Japan in a couple of weeks, so I’m trying to brush up on what little vocabulary I know, most of which seems lost in the nearly empty foreign language vault of my brain. I discovered, though, that the words for “handsome lawyer” (kakkoii bengoshi) have permanently taken root, as they effectively describe my son. (Though there are many more effective—and flattering—words I could use if only I remembered them.)

Encouraging is the notion that learning a new language continues to be possible (and beneficial) in older learners.

📖 📖 📖

Thinking about how stories can elucidate and bond us, I wondered if it’d be refreshing to think about our appearance in a unique way.

I’m interested in the idea because of my recent experience with lip filler, and the conflicting feelings I had choosing to go ahead with the procedure. Borrowing from the six-word memoirs project, I wonder if we wrote six words about our face how that might shape or clarify our feelings? Please add your stories to the comments, which I’ll collate and post in a few weeks.

Here’s mine:

Striving

glum

joy

inconsistent letting go

Thanks for your patience to those HNTFUYF-ers either bored or even repelled by the idea of a six-word memoir about your appearance (looking at you, L, R, N, and Z). But most of you still find great pleasure in reading about makeup and shopping for it.

So if you wing your way over the paywall, you’ll find a few terrific makeup ideas for women lucky enough to be living in mature skin.

HNTFUYF is a payola-free, reader-supported zone. I get no cut from sales when I mention any kind of product. My recommendations are offered without obligation, making HNTFUYF one of the very few places where you can get unadulterated advice, beauty and otherwise.

Can’t afford a subscription? Write to me at valeriemonroe@substack.com and I’ll give you a comp.

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