A steady spring rain of readers continues here at HNTFUYF. Glad to be a droplet in the deluge? Please tap the ❤ button above—and thank you! It lets me know I’m helping to fill your ❤ tank, which is why I’m here.
A quick follow up to a recent post in which I mentioned the world’s oldest living person. The venerable, 119-year-old Kane Tanaka relinquished her position to a 118-year-old French nun last week. Godspeed to you, Tanaka-san.
And speaking of great-grannies, grannies, and, as we call them around here, grammies, have you heard about the TikTok videos extolling Coastal Grandmothers? The videos were introduced to me by the always entertaining and thought-provoking duo Rachel Baker and Maggie Bullock in their juicy missive, The Spread. Basically, they’re a paean to the aesthetic that screenwriter and director Nancy Meyers portrays in many of her films; I’m talking about the gorgeously cozy beige interiors of spacious beach homes her middle-aged characters inhabit in their gorgeously cozy beige clothing with their gorgeously beige…friends. Let me be clear: I love Nancy Meyers’ movies and I watch them whenever I need a cozy beige embrace. Every one of them—from Something’s Gotta Give to It’s Complicated to even Father of the Bride—is a Feel-Good Movie of the Year.
It’s pretty obvious why the Coastal Grandmother vibe is especially popular in some circles right now: It’s completely non-threatening and predictable—a bulky, cotton knit kind of comfort in these threatening and unpredictable times. Especially, or maybe only, if you also happen to be beige…or at least very rich.
A few readers have asked about the seductively-named FaceTite, a cosmetic procedure widely popularized by Hailey Bieber and her cousin Ireland Baldwin (two names I never thought I’d write in these posts). After getting past the confusing misapprehension that they were the same person, I took a shallow dive into their social media to see what the fuss was about. I found the usual: At 25 and 26, respectively, they opted for a “minimally invasive” treatment to relieve their faces of…well, I’m not sure about Hailey (who recently had a minor stroke and heart surgery), but Ireland says she’s been haunted by a double chin all her life. As for how personally effective their procedures were, as of this writing, I don’t know. I do know it was effective for the FaceTite people, who’ve received a boatload of publicity since the Bieber/Baldwin procedures.
You can find an explanation of the procedure here but in brief: the face is injected with local anesthesia; tiny incisions are made into which a cannula is inserted; the skin is lifted and separated from underlying muscle; and the tissue is heated while an electrode passes over the area to generate an electrical field. (Whew!) All this is to “maximize skin contraction and fat coagulation,” according to a doctor quoted in realself.com. Facial plastic surgeon Steven Dayan uses a radio frequency microneedling device (Morpheus8) as an adjunctive treatment for tightening the jowls and neck. He says FaceTite is one of the most requested procedures in his practice and that he considers it somewhere between a facelift and a non-surgical, in-office skin tightening. Another facial plastic surgeon, Michelle Yagoda, says FaceTite can be a useful addition to surgery or liposuction when the skin is so lax that pulling and tucking it isn’t enough and/or when the skin isn’t elastic enough to bounce back after liposuction. Lest you (still) think it’s a piece of cake: The recommended downtime is at least five days; the treatment area can feel numb for several weeks; and results are not permanent, lasting for at least one year and up to five. According to realself.com, the average cost is upwards of $5,000. Once again, this coastal grammie believes she will wait for pop-off heads before making the cut, even a “minimally invasive” one.
Listen Up!
Though I’ve been a latecomer to audiobooks, once I discovered them I couldn’t get enough. I borrow them from the public library, but as I’ve mentioned before, sometimes the library steals them back before I can finish. So I'm happy to share I'm partnering with Chirp to launch an audiobook club of biographies and memoirs called “Unfiltered Women.” Two things: It’s free to subscribe and Chirp offers great deals. Plus, you obviously get to keep the book to listen to at your leisure.
Full transparency: At this point, I’m choosing not to receive payback for sign-ups, but I do hope to get the benefit of introducing HNTFUYF to Chirp subscribers.
Here’s how it works: Every other month I’ll announce a new book club pick that we’ll listen to together. You’ll have a chance to share your thoughts on the book a few weeks later and hear what other readers thought, too. My first pick is the memoir Blood, Bones & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef by Gabrielle Hamilton. I often encourage you to quit objectifying yourself and to instead turn your attention outward, where there’s so much to be appreciated. Hamilton is not only a master of extreme attentiveness, but also a gifted chronicler of what she sees—and she sees...everything. It’s enormous fun to follow her path from spunky kid and lover-of-backyard-barbeques to the founder of what was one of the most beloved restaurants in the world. Delicious reading.
To get started, go to chirpbooks.com/val and press FOLLOW to join my club. (Again, it’s free and there is NO commitment.) There, for a limited time, you can buy Blood, Bones & Butter for only $5.99, including a 50% discount with code VAL50.
Val Asks You
Don’t be shy! What’s your most vexing or intractable appearance issue? Send your beauty-related questions to valeriemonroe@substack.com. If I don’t have a good answer, I’ll find someone who does.
HNTFUYF, a Payola-Free Zone
Readers, a few of you have wondered aloud to me if I get a cut from sales when I mention a product. I do not. I only mention products I’d like to buy myself, and therefore think you might like, too. I share this so you know my recommendations are offered without obligation. The only financial contributions I receive from these posts are from those of you—thank you!—who have generously subscribed. All posts and the archive are free; there’s no paywall. If you like what you’ve been reading, you can always let me know—and I would love to know—by hitting that little heart button and then sharing the post. I heart you, too. xo
An App Update
The Substack app is currently available for iOS. With the app, you’ll have a dedicated inbox for my Substack and any others you subscribe to. New posts will never get lost in your email filters or stuck in spam. Longer posts will never get cut-off by your email app. Comments and rich media will all work seamlessly. Overall, it’s a big upgrade to the reading experience.
If you don’t have an Apple device, you can join the Android waitlist here.
Waiting for pop-off heads... 😂. On a more serious note, after clicking on "why I'm here" and reading your introductory post again, I hope you know what a difference you've made for me and I'm sure many, many others.
I would LOVE to get into this book club! Also, I feel like the article she wrote for the NYT two years ago (which took me three hiding-in-the-bathroom installments to get through) was SO spot on about the changes to NYC, which feel adjacent to all of this, really. $5k for a "minimally invasive" procedure that I would MOST DEFINITELY feel too squeamish to even watch on YouTube to ensure we look... alike? (I, too, thought of these women as one woman.) Anyway, I think there are numerous parallels on where our culture is headed. And the appeal of the cashmere beige life is also in line--the way we want to ascribe to something everyone else is doing at the risk of looking like outliers / originals. That seems to be exactly what Ms. Hamilton laments in the loss of those early-days regulars who created the culture of Prune to begin with. I love Nancy Meyers, too, but I also love color and character and would hate to see the erasure of those into some new high-level moneyed mediocrity. Hey ho!