Is Ordinary Skincare Really Any Good?

plus, a reader on the fence about plastic surgery finds her way

Welcome readers, old and new!

Please hit the ❤️ above to learn how the elders (and the poorer) among us are more susceptible to the effects of global warming. It’s not what you might think.

Playing the game Cards Against Humanity has become an annual Maine vacation tradition with dear friends and I highly recommend it. Especially helpful in these times, the game has the salutary effect of wiping away any vestige of frustration, disappointment, sadness, and, not unimportantly, propriety. I’m not sure I’ve laughed harder doing anything. Which is why I brought the Family Edition with me to Tokyo to play with my granddaughter, M.

I wish I could show you the photos I took of M rolling on the floor, senseless with hilarity. (Photos wisely forbidden by her prudent caretakers.) I did follow the directions, suggesting an adult read through the cards to pull out any that might seem inappropriate for your particular family; I pulled one card that read simply, “Balls” and another that read, “Tongue kissing.” There are lots of pee and poop references, naturally, and a few references (mostly pop culture) that went over both our heads, but the game prompted M to write me a note:

Dear Gramie thank you for the game it’s so funny I can’t stop laughing you are so fun to play with it is so speshell to see you in prson…

Reading her note aloud I said, “What, Baby? It’s so special to see me in prison?” And the silliness continues…

👀 👀 👀

I recently spent an evening with a friend who was considering plastic surgery. She wasn’t sure whether she should pop for the consultation she’d scheduled or cancel it. I suggested she take the consultation; she did. Here’s her account of the experience, which might be helpful to any HNTFUYF-ers considering the same.

At 53 I had a blepharoplasty of my lower eyelids. Although the procedure was successful, it left me feeling depressed and foolish for “giving in” to the cult of youthfulness that I thought I was secure enough to resist. But I was publishing my first novel and feeling insecure about how it would be received and how I would be seen. With time and healing (and vanity), I have to admit I was glad I did it but vowed never to do it again.

Twenty-five years later, the little vanity devil once more began whispering in my ear. Instead of agonizing—should I or shouldn't I?—I decided to have a $200 consultation with the plastic surgeon who had done the original procedure.

I was thinking this time about having my upper eyelids done.

I soon found out that times have changed. Instead of an upper blepharoplasty, the doctor recommended using my own fat to restore volume to my face and neck along with neuromodulator (like Botox) injections to diminish the 11s on my forehead and the bands on my neck.

Not what I was thinking!

No cutting. No general anesthesia. Minimal bruising. A short recovery time. And wow, I thought, not only will I get a younger face, but I’ll also get a flatter stomach!

The surgeon promised I’d have a natural and refreshed look. But I’d hoped the cost would make the decision for me. I was fortunate enough to have $5,000 to spend but suspected it would be much more. In fact, the fee was $7,750, considerably less than a facelift or full blepharoplasty.

It was very tempting. I went back and forth. One minute I’d think, Just do it; don’t tell your kids, don’t tell your friends. No one will know. The next minute I’d think, My kids would kill me. What would my boyfriend say? What if I end up looking overdone?

When I finally broke down and shared my secret with my boyfriend, he looked at me without judgment and said, “You don’t need it. Spend the money on something else.” Spend the money on something else.

I began to look at myself for who I was—a 78-year-old woman with great skin, in good health, with a happy sex life, who loves to travel. Why in the world would I want to risk fucking up my face?

What ultimately convinced me not to go ahead with the treatments was the way I began to look at myself. I wasn’t sure what I’d look like afterward, but it’d be obviously different, or why would I bother doing it at all? And I didn’t really want to look different. Because, I realized, I look pretty damn good for a woman pushing 80 who’s got a damn good life.

That $200 consultation fee? It was some of the best money I ever spent.

💸 💸 💸

And in the You Get What You Pay For file, a reader wonders how less expensive skincare products could possibly be as effective as most pricier ones. She asks specifically about The Ordinary.

HNTFUYF is a payola-free, reader-supported zone. I get no cut from sales when I mention a product. My recommendations are offered without obligation, making HNTFUYF one of the very few places where you can get unadulterated beauty advice.

This post’s Q&A sits quivering with excitement behind a paywall. For full access to all posts and the extensive archives, please become a paid subscriber at the current rate of $40/year. Can’t afford a subscription? Write to me at valeriemonroe@substack.com and I’ll give you a comp. 🙏