Feeling Crepey? Some Advice

plus, the first and last words about "old people smell"

Welcome readers, old and new!

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A few years ago a curious reader wrote, somewhat hesitantly, about “old people smell.” She wanted to know: Was it real? Or just another beauty marketer’s invention to sell persimmon soap?

Though I’d read a few articles claiming there is such a thing as a particular odor linked to older people, I disliked the idea of it so much that I let the question slide. The older folks on Shark Tank must’ve felt similarly; they recently passed on investing in Koko Hayashi’s Mirai Clinical brand, which sells various products (including a persimmon soap) to minimize what I prefer to call the “mellowing of maturity.” According to Hayashi, as reported in the Beauty Independent newsletter, the brand is set to make $6 million in sales this year.

A study published in the Journal of Investigative Dermatology found that mature mellowing is caused by 2-nonenal, an unsaturated aldehyde in the skin that gives off a musty, grassy odor detected only in those of us over 40. The stuff increases with age.

Maybe because both the people in my family (many of whom have lived into their 90s) and my older friends have all been well-bathed, I’ve never noticed they smell much different than the youts. To my nose, they typically smell better.

In any case, if you’re—smellowing—you might be interested in the Mirai Clinical deodorizing persimmon soap, which the company claims reduces nonenal odor. (Best used on the neck and ears, for some reason.) I have to say, I’m not keen on anything that, as one customer coos on their website, “gives the assurance of non-offensive hygiene.” A pretty low bar.

Speaking of non-offensive hygiene, a cranky reader recently asked, WTF is up with all the ads for whole body deodorants? Does this entire country stink? The latter is a question I won’t answer today, but I do wonder whether the preoccupation with minimizing our natural odors has something to do with the dehumanization of beauty, the yearning for “perfection” only attainable through Instagram filters or AI.

We’re often encouraged (in advertising messaging, for example) to minimize or hide anything suggesting we’re organic—like wrinkles and graying hair—as they’re manifestations of our mortality. I mean, if you smell like you’re decomposing, you’ve obviously got issues. But if you smell like a human being? Interesting! In fact, body odor may predict how we choose our friends. Not to mention that honing your smeller’s acuity might keep you cognitively sharp.

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You probably know there’s a beauty category called “intimate care,” which aims to seduce with such products as vaginal douches and waxing kits. But the Beauty Independent newsletter also reports “[a] flurry of new brands has entered the category, including Privates, Niches & Nooks, Beam Butt Care, Buttface and Wype, and retailers like Target, Walmart, Ulta Beauty and Haven Well Within are dedicating shelf space to it with everything from pH-balanced vulva washes to herbal hemorrhoid treatments.”

The retailers believe the category is overdue for a “modern makeover,” which includes, evidently, a toilet paper gel, a butt “resurfacer,” a body and fabric (!) fragrance mist for your nooks (or niches), and an intimate wash for privates. From Buttface: “Because your butt deserves a real routine, too.” Geezus, people.

Though I believe certain parts require special cleansers—I don’t (on purpose) brush my teeth with hand soap—it saddens me to know people might be encouraged to shell out hard-earned dough for a pH-balanced vulva wash. Who needs that? Neither you nor your naturally pH-balanced vulva.

After the paywall, a friend wonders if there’s anything to be done about the crepey skin on her arms.

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