Eye-Opening Details...

...about a common surgery

Welcome readers, old and new!

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In this first post of 2026 I’m going to ask something of you, Dear Readers, and I’d be grateful if you could remind yourselves of it whenever you crack open a new HNTFUYF. I stole this idea from my first favorite writer, Grace Paley, whose work overflows with the joys and wisdom of the mundane. She writes about advice her father gave her in the story, “My Father Addresses Me on the Facts of Old Age.”

Please sit down, he said. Be patient. The main thing is this—when you get up in the morning, you must take your heart in your two hands. You must do this every morning.

That’s a metaphor, right?

Metaphor? No, no, you can do this. In the morning, do a few little exercises for the joints, not too much. Then put your hands like a cup over and under the heart. Under the breast. He said tactfully. It’s probably easier for a man. Then talk softly, don’t yell. Under your ribs, push a little. When you wake up, you must do this massage. I mean pat, stroke a little, don’t be ashamed. Very likely no one will be watching. Then you must talk to your heart.

Talk? What?

Say anything, but be respectful. Say—maybe say, Heart, little heart, beat softly but never forget your job, the blood. You can whisper also, Remember, remember.

So: Remember to take your heart in your two hands, Dear Readers.

Then, your face.

After which I believe you will be far less inclined to f*ck it up.

HNTFUYF is a payola-free, reader-supported zone. I get no cut from sales when I mention any kind of product. My recommendations are offered without obligation, making HNTFUYF one of the very few places where you can get unadulterated advice, beauty and otherwise.

Can’t afford a subscription? Write to me at valeriemonroe@substack.com and I’ll give you a comp.

Take a running leap over that paywall, where a reader, no fan of pain, considers blepharoplasty. An oculofacial plastic surgeon offers eye-opening details.