Doc's Office or Medi-Spa?

that's... one of the questions

Welcome readers, old and new!

Please hit the ❤️ above to learn how you might avail yourself of some wild multitasking lingerie.

👙 👙 👙

I’m only telling you this because you HNTFUYF-ers are my friends, which you’ve demonstrated either by your kind comments to me and each other or by not telling me you think I’m lousy with dumb advice and mediocre writing. On both accounts, thank you.

I’ve been struggling a bit lately, poor loser that I am in the game of comparison thinking. If you’ve read these posts for a while, you know I’ve declared, with supreme confidence, that comparison is the death of happiness. And by being disciplined about living that declaration, I’ve managed to be intensely happy with what I have: a deep faith in love, an adored and adoring immediate family, cherished friends, satisfying work, and reasonably fine health. What more could I want?

I thought the answer to that question was a more traditional family situation, similar to the one I was raised in, where a short drive could deliver us to any number of relatives’ homes for the holidays (or just a visit); where my extended family joked and argued around the dinner table and afterward my cousins and I lay on our bellies on the living room floor playing Concentration.

In my late-ish life, many traditions have been turned upside down, partly because I live in two places. I envy other families who live close together year-round, celebrating their important moments the way I did when I was a kid. I’m with my family now in Tokyo and it is divine. And I recognize the extreme good fortune of being able to maintain a home base in two places. But that also means I’ll be leaving for New York again in a few weeks, half a world away.

Last night, after a deliciously full weekend with my family at a hot springs resort, we arrived back at their apartment. When it was time for me to leave, my granddaughter, M, wore the same face she always wears: It says, Grammie, do you have to go? That made me sad; it always does. As I ate my sushi dinner alone at home, I realized what more I could want.

It’s not really what I imagine other families have that I want for myself; it’s the idea of a time when everything feels safe—when even though I have an intuition nothing will feel this way forever, it’s possible to pretend it will. As the runway shortens on my life, it’s increasingly difficult to pretend.

Of course, pretending is an obstacle to being present in the moment. In her book When Things Fall Apart, Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön quotes one of her teacher’s remarks about life: It’s like getting into a boat that’s just about to sail out to sea and sink. To insist the boat not leave the dock? Whether it leaves or not, it’ll eventually go under. Better to set sail and enjoy the remarkable ride.

Recently I snuggled with M on the sofa, reading her The Polar Express. The book ends with the notion that magic persists for those who “believe.”

“Believe in Santa?” M asked.

“Yes, Baby,” I said. “And also…” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to tell her.

“And also?”

“And also…” I struggled with how to articulate that the simple act of believing is a miracle; that to be conscious is a miracle; that all the mysteries of our existence are a miracle.

“Geez, Baby,” I said. “I don’t know.” Suddenly filled with gratitude, I squeezed her tightly and looked into her eyes. “I just love you so much.”

🙌 🙌 🙌

Next up: A reader wonders if she should spend an extra couple hundred dollars for a treatment at the doctor’s office rather than at a less pricey medi-spa.

YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THIS BUT HERE’S A REMINDER: HNTFUYF is a payola-free, reader-supported zone. I get no cut from sales when I mention a product. My recommendations are offered without obligation, making HNTFUYF one of only a few places where you can get unadulterated beauty advice.

The beauty Q&A in this post sits quivering with excitement behind a paywall. For full access to all posts and the archives, please become a paid subscriber at the current rate of $40/year. Can’t afford a subscription? Write to me at valeriemonroe@substack.com and I’ll give you a comp. 🙏