Welcome readers, old and new!
Please hit the ❤️ above to send a large garlic clove (and good wishes for a healthy outcome) to all those considering a vampire breast lift.
I hate to start out cranky. But…
In response to a post I recently wrote about Gwen Walz for “The Cut” that seems (to me) to have been misread—okay, I should’ve mentioned at the top that I admire her—I received some of the most vicious comments and emails you can imagine. (Don’t try.) I didn’t respond to the comments, though I did respond to a few emails—two of them angry and distraught and one of them heinous. To Heinous, I basically wrote, “Ouch! That hurt me. Here’s why.” You know what? Heinous wrote back apologizing and explaining why they were angry. Which didn’t ameliorate the ouchiness of the situation, but did get me singing this, after which I felt much better.
But also…
Listening to various podcasts, I’m noticing that even on the ones I especially like and think are smart, there’s bad beauty advice. Specifically, bad beauty product advice. Why? Likely because the hosts are beholden to advertisers in one way or another and, therefore, can’t tell you the truth about the efficacy of most products on the beauty market. Psst, they don’t work—or don’t work well enough for you to be able to see an appreciable difference in your pores, or jowls, or undereye circles.
This is a shame, because… your wallet, for one thing. More importantly, your vulnerability, increased when you try a product that doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. Then who’s to blame? Have you made the wrong choice? Is it not right for you? Did you not use it properly? Or, worse, are you beyond help?
I’m done with the crank for now. I just want to remind you when you step onto the Elysian Fields of HNTFUYF that I try hard to ensure you won’t get tangled in weeds of misinformation or trip over roots of insidious marketing. I may sometimes be wrong, but not because I’m trying to sell you something.
Now, relatedly, a curious reader’s question about DNA repair enzymes. Fool’s gold or real?
HNTFUYF is a payola-free zone. I get no cut from sales when I mention a product. I share this so you know my recommendations are offered without obligation. The beauty Q&A in this post sits quivering with excitement behind a paywall, waiting for you to discover it. For full access to all posts and the extensive archives, please become a paid subscriber at the currently discounted rate of $40/year. Can’t afford a subscription? Write to me at valeriemonroe@substack.com and I’ll give you a comp (no questions asked). 🙏
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to How Not to F*ck Up Your Face to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.