Thank you for your Allure article; however, I take issue with the use of the BMI as the measure for health (not you but the entire medical industry). We know its odd history and medical doctors (and others) still use it, and frankly, I feel it perpetuates the on-going issue regarding weight. Recently I read through my medical records over a 40 year span (18 to 63 years old), and I discovered that I was actually 149 lbs at 5 ft. 4 in. when I started college and thought I was SO fat. Since then, my weight has fluctuated +/- 30 lbs. Nearly all the records refer to my having weight issues and noted that I was "obese" according to the BMI. Although I'm 30 lbs heavier, I exercise nearly daily, lift weights, have a low total blood cholesterol, low blood pressure, and low pulse rate. I eat mostly veggies and lean protein (and not too much of it). Yet, at my most recent doctor's appointment, I was told that though all my health indicators were good to great, I still needed to lose 15 pounds but was given no more advice beyond what I was doing. I asked if I should take weight loss medication or HRT and the doctor felt it was unnecessary. I'm at a loss as to what to do next, as I'm bombarded with these societal messages including my own doctor to "lose weight, lose weight."
Elena, you know, I just mentioned to someone the other day that BMI is not longer considered a good way to evaluate health. My advice: Ignore the societal messages and tell your physician exactly what you're thinking! x
I hate hearing this — I am so sorry. I refuse to pay attention to BMI as it misses our nuances, especially for those of us who have a lot of muscle. I am a huge fan of the Dexa scan for this reason. Beyond bloodwork, it tells a more comprehensive story about health and body composition with far less room for misinterpretation.
Val and Pam, I loved your conversation—-so human and profound about the truths held in our bodies, and the vulnerabilities that make us human. Thank you! Pam, I love the idea of a traveling show with women telling autobiographies of their bodies—keep us posted on that idea. I’m only bummed that tonight is the last night of your show. Maybe you could travel to more cities and do more performances? I live in Cambridge MA so I’d like to suggest Boston :). Your last line in the show (It takes a long time to get this beautiful) takes my breath away.
Karen, thank you so much. I'd love to come to Boston and a few other cities to perform the show and maybe host some talkbacks. It's been an amazing experience and the emotional response from the audience is a first in my long career. So moving for me. Hope to see you in Boston!
I remember Pam's byline well from my (our) time working for women's magazines, and I'm delighted to know about her brave play. Not sure I would ever bare all on stage, but I do agree that after a point, the nakedness isn't the most important thing. Thanks, as ever, for your great writing.
Leanne, it's so interesting that you say "after a point, the nakedness isn't the most important thing," because when I saw the play, Pam's nakedness at the end seemed almost beside the point. x
Naked in front of my kids (30 something males)? They cringe when I dance.. perhaps naked dancing would be sweet revenge for their judgment of the body they helped create.
I love that — it reminds me of seeing "The Vagina Monologues" decades ago. I recall the performers saying "vagina" over and over at the start of the show to destigmatize the word (and move past the giggles and squeamishness) so the real message could get through.
Val --- thank you for this wonderful wonderful interview ! i have the attention span of a
hummingbird but could not hit pause ! i think my biggest take-away is that real beauty comes from knowing yourself and nurturing your self confidence (as well as not placing importance on what others think) and the more i listened to her speak i could feel my own the confidence grow ... she is a true inspiration as are you xo ps. you look damn good for hoping outa bed with no fuss and i say this in knowing that what i see is of little importance to you ; )*
Beth, so glad you enjoyed the video! Totally agree about Pam being an inspiration. And thanks for your kind words about the way I looked; I wasn't sure I was going to post the video and thought, what the hell...x
Lol thank you so much, Beth! Doing the show has been an inspiration for me too, discovering all the commonalities around our bodies, our emotions, and the connections between the two. Hope you get to see the show at some point.
i intend to ... i love everything about it ! kudos to you for pulling it off --- i'm sure it's been a lifetime of "work" to get to where you are and i think the world would be a better place if we all could take the time and effort to get there ... your confidence in your "self" is most refreshing xo
I read the two newspaper articles about your friend's play and her books and she is AMAZING! Now to watch that conversation. Bravo to her. My new hero! *well, after you. xo and....now that she's naked in hot tubs time for the Cold Plunge!! Happy to take you both.
Hi Bonnie -- My British friends are very into "wild swimming" but I'll stick to the hot tub. So happy you're excited by the show. Hope you get to see it at some point!
Enjoyed your post. Love how Andie McDowell is having a moment as an “older” woman and wondering if she is a natural beauty or not. Wish we could all age like that. If only.
I’m looking forward to when Mrs. Bezos is no longer the low-lying fruit to criticize in fashion conversations, especially as the only example given. There are so many others as well, the actual Hollywood stars, whose faces are how they make their living, who are now unrecognizable. I won’t name names since I thought we were entering a season of accepting everyone, whatever their choices. Apparently not.
Cathy, for me there's a fine line between accepting everyone's choices about their aesthetic interventions and recognizing that some of those choices yield unquestionably peculiar results that, I believe, should be addressed in a public forum as their effect on our overall well-being is potentially unhealthy. I'm trying to make a similar point in the Allure post I linked to. Thank you for sharing your thoughtful comment! x (Oh, majored in oboe, how very cool!)
In all seriousness, when I moved back to Kentucky from Washington, DC I was really taken aback by the modesty. It's noticeable almost immediately. Most counties just began to legally sell alcohol (moonshine still exists, though), and people do not use foul language. OMG. What an adjustment for me. Especially the potty mouth part. So, no, sexy or naked really does get you ostracized. I don't know how the people here would cope.
I read your Allure article and I think I met Pam Redmond in Dallas around the time she published How Not To Act Old. Anyway, thanks for keeping it real.
Loved that book. Think of it whenever I decide to count out exact change to pay for something at the store. Also when going to an event I will remember she said only old people “dress up.” :)
Welcome home, Val. I share your view of Jeff's wife. When Whole Foods stopped giving a $0.15/per bag discount for bringing in your own (shortly after their engagement), I looked at my check-out pal, Stephen, and said, "It takes a lot of money to look that cheap, and I guess we're gonna be the ones paying for it." (Also, nod to Dolly Parton.) xo
Thank you for your Allure article; however, I take issue with the use of the BMI as the measure for health (not you but the entire medical industry). We know its odd history and medical doctors (and others) still use it, and frankly, I feel it perpetuates the on-going issue regarding weight. Recently I read through my medical records over a 40 year span (18 to 63 years old), and I discovered that I was actually 149 lbs at 5 ft. 4 in. when I started college and thought I was SO fat. Since then, my weight has fluctuated +/- 30 lbs. Nearly all the records refer to my having weight issues and noted that I was "obese" according to the BMI. Although I'm 30 lbs heavier, I exercise nearly daily, lift weights, have a low total blood cholesterol, low blood pressure, and low pulse rate. I eat mostly veggies and lean protein (and not too much of it). Yet, at my most recent doctor's appointment, I was told that though all my health indicators were good to great, I still needed to lose 15 pounds but was given no more advice beyond what I was doing. I asked if I should take weight loss medication or HRT and the doctor felt it was unnecessary. I'm at a loss as to what to do next, as I'm bombarded with these societal messages including my own doctor to "lose weight, lose weight."
Elena, you know, I just mentioned to someone the other day that BMI is not longer considered a good way to evaluate health. My advice: Ignore the societal messages and tell your physician exactly what you're thinking! x
Thank you! I once did to one doctor for which I ended up crying in her office. I found another doctor, and it looks like I may need to so again.
I hate hearing this — I am so sorry. I refuse to pay attention to BMI as it misses our nuances, especially for those of us who have a lot of muscle. I am a huge fan of the Dexa scan for this reason. Beyond bloodwork, it tells a more comprehensive story about health and body composition with far less room for misinterpretation.
“Waxy erasure” is the PERFECT phrase for what you’re describing!
Catherine, thanks for that validation! x
Loved seeing both of you on this video❤️. And I’ve always admired the courage of Alice Neel to paint a nude self portrait at 80. Hmmm….
https://thatsnotmyage.com/women-artists/alice-neel-on-painting-her-first-nude-self-portrait-at-80/
Miss you, Max! And thanks for that link...x
Thanks so much, Maxine!
Val and Pam, I loved your conversation—-so human and profound about the truths held in our bodies, and the vulnerabilities that make us human. Thank you! Pam, I love the idea of a traveling show with women telling autobiographies of their bodies—keep us posted on that idea. I’m only bummed that tonight is the last night of your show. Maybe you could travel to more cities and do more performances? I live in Cambridge MA so I’d like to suggest Boston :). Your last line in the show (It takes a long time to get this beautiful) takes my breath away.
And Chicago!!
Chicago would be perfect!
Karen, I'm so glad (but not at all surprised) that this resonates with you! x
Karen, thank you so much. I'd love to come to Boston and a few other cities to perform the show and maybe host some talkbacks. It's been an amazing experience and the emotional response from the audience is a first in my long career. So moving for me. Hope to see you in Boston!
That would be amazing! I’d love it if you came to Boston—-I would come with bells on and bring all my friends :)
I remember Pam's byline well from my (our) time working for women's magazines, and I'm delighted to know about her brave play. Not sure I would ever bare all on stage, but I do agree that after a point, the nakedness isn't the most important thing. Thanks, as ever, for your great writing.
Leanne, it's so interesting that you say "after a point, the nakedness isn't the most important thing," because when I saw the play, Pam's nakedness at the end seemed almost beside the point. x
Unless you are her kids ... :)
Hahaha, so she says! x
Naked in front of my kids (30 something males)? They cringe when I dance.. perhaps naked dancing would be sweet revenge for their judgment of the body they helped create.
Lynn, OMG I can't even imagine...x
My kids and I are agreed that they will never see this show.
I was factoring in possible dementia. It’s a long shot but…
LOLLLOLLOLLOL
LOLLLLING
I love that — it reminds me of seeing "The Vagina Monologues" decades ago. I recall the performers saying "vagina" over and over at the start of the show to destigmatize the word (and move past the giggles and squeamishness) so the real message could get through.
Christine, I remember that, too...fondly! x
Brilliant
Thanks, Leanne!
Val --- thank you for this wonderful wonderful interview ! i have the attention span of a
hummingbird but could not hit pause ! i think my biggest take-away is that real beauty comes from knowing yourself and nurturing your self confidence (as well as not placing importance on what others think) and the more i listened to her speak i could feel my own the confidence grow ... she is a true inspiration as are you xo ps. you look damn good for hoping outa bed with no fuss and i say this in knowing that what i see is of little importance to you ; )*
Beth, so glad you enjoyed the video! Totally agree about Pam being an inspiration. And thanks for your kind words about the way I looked; I wasn't sure I was going to post the video and thought, what the hell...x
well then I think you need to think, “what the hell,” more often !
: ) x
Lol thank you so much, Beth! Doing the show has been an inspiration for me too, discovering all the commonalities around our bodies, our emotions, and the connections between the two. Hope you get to see the show at some point.
i intend to ... i love everything about it ! kudos to you for pulling it off --- i'm sure it's been a lifetime of "work" to get to where you are and i think the world would be a better place if we all could take the time and effort to get there ... your confidence in your "self" is most refreshing xo
Oh, VaL! You did it again!!! You never miss! Your subject lines are ENTICING!
Why, thank you, dear E.! But never as clever as Not My Type! x
I read the two newspaper articles about your friend's play and her books and she is AMAZING! Now to watch that conversation. Bravo to her. My new hero! *well, after you. xo and....now that she's naked in hot tubs time for the Cold Plunge!! Happy to take you both.
Bonnie, if I could spend 24 hours a day naked in an onsen, I happily would! x
Hi Bonnie -- My British friends are very into "wild swimming" but I'll stick to the hot tub. So happy you're excited by the show. Hope you get to see it at some point!
GO PAM!! Thanks for linking the Times piece, Val. You, too, are an inspiration!
Thanks, Tammy. I'll be keeping my clothes on, however! x
Oh, come on ...
It's really for your benefit... : 0
😆
Thank you , dear Tammy xxx
Enjoyed your post. Love how Andie McDowell is having a moment as an “older” woman and wondering if she is a natural beauty or not. Wish we could all age like that. If only.
I’m looking forward to when Mrs. Bezos is no longer the low-lying fruit to criticize in fashion conversations, especially as the only example given. There are so many others as well, the actual Hollywood stars, whose faces are how they make their living, who are now unrecognizable. I won’t name names since I thought we were entering a season of accepting everyone, whatever their choices. Apparently not.
Cathy, for me there's a fine line between accepting everyone's choices about their aesthetic interventions and recognizing that some of those choices yield unquestionably peculiar results that, I believe, should be addressed in a public forum as their effect on our overall well-being is potentially unhealthy. I'm trying to make a similar point in the Allure post I linked to. Thank you for sharing your thoughtful comment! x (Oh, majored in oboe, how very cool!)
Love Andie Macdowell. Maybe she'd want to do the show -- she'd be great.
Yes, Wouldn’t she be interesting? Seems so real.
I kept thinking as I read, Not in Kentucky!! There’d be legal consequences for going au nateurel. 🙀 . Welcome back Stateside. x
Whitney, well, I guess Pam'll have to cross Kentucky off her list! x
Ha! Yeah.
Really? No naked old ladies in Kentucky? How about naked young ladies?
In all seriousness, when I moved back to Kentucky from Washington, DC I was really taken aback by the modesty. It's noticeable almost immediately. Most counties just began to legally sell alcohol (moonshine still exists, though), and people do not use foul language. OMG. What an adjustment for me. Especially the potty mouth part. So, no, sexy or naked really does get you ostracized. I don't know how the people here would cope.
Geographic cultural distinctions are so interesting! But I, too, would have a very hard time with the potty mouth issue (obv). x
I'll cover up just as long as you let me swear!
I read your Allure article and I think I met Pam Redmond in Dallas around the time she published How Not To Act Old. Anyway, thanks for keeping it real.
Penny, if you did meet Pam, I'm sure you'd remember it. So glad you're resonating with her story! x
Loved that book. Think of it whenever I decide to count out exact change to pay for something at the store. Also when going to an event I will remember she said only old people “dress up.” :)
Haha I'm glad that you remember that! Thanks!
Absolutely riveting conversation. Thank you both for being so open.
Beth, so glad you enjoyed it! x
Thank you, Beth!
Loved the interview so much.
Mimi -- I'm so glad! x
Thank you, Mimi!
Welcome home, Val. I share your view of Jeff's wife. When Whole Foods stopped giving a $0.15/per bag discount for bringing in your own (shortly after their engagement), I looked at my check-out pal, Stephen, and said, "It takes a lot of money to look that cheap, and I guess we're gonna be the ones paying for it." (Also, nod to Dolly Parton.) xo
Sandra, love that borrowed line! x
Haha that's hilarious.
You gotta love a dinner date where the pants come down. Her show sounds amazing.
As my son said, "you never know what's going to happen at a dinner part at Chez Monroe!" x
Thanks! Our dinner pantsing was undoubtedly one of my inspirations. There are some cases when showing does so much more than telling.
Spoken like a true writer!