This week, as I settle into a slightly dreary, colorless post-vacation life, I thought a fun (if not wise) antidote might be to take a brief ride through beauty’s amusement park. Actually, I have another reason: The eyebrow experts I need to interview in order to write helpfully about disappearing brows are evidently so busy I couldn’t reach them in time for today’s post. But eyebrow support is on the way.
While waiting for responses from the eyebrow doctors, I was distracted by a different body hair issue. Undressing recently at the dermatologist’s office for a yearly skin check, I noticed how drab my pubic hair had become. Why did I notice this? Do I often think about the color of my (or anyone else’s) pubic hair? No! Or more accurately—not anymore. But seeing the faint little patch reminded me of a story I wrote for O, The Oprah Magazine about hair dye specifically for that area. I’m aware that only last week I congratulated you who’ve let your hair grow in silver or gray; I congratulate you, still. If you read on, you’ll see I make no judgments about the carpet (or for many of us, the area rug) matching the drapes. Nor do I want to get into the purposes of brightening the rug except for sheer fun. It takes only 30 minutes, which leaves plenty of time for social justice work. Oh, and one more purpose for this post: I want to emphasize that though you may be too young for some rides in the amusement park, I believe that as long as you can climb into the seat, you’ll never be too old.
Now for some silly.
I put it off and off, till the deadline for this story forced me to turn my attention to the box of Betty, Color for the Hair Down There, which had been hanging around my apartment, like a neglected lover, for weeks. So, deadline looming, one lazy Saturday morning I mixed up a batch of dye (ammonia- and paraben-free), and, with the mascara-like wand provided, applied it to my hair, down there. Oh, for Pete's sake, it's called pubic hair. I applied it to my pubic hair, carefully avoiding—if you are a very private person, or my son, please stop reading right now—the labia, as directed. A half-hour later, I jumped into the shower to rinse off the dye. I could hardly contain my surprise and delight when, after toweling off, I looked in the mirror: The faded, nondescript patch I was accustomed to had been transformed. It was dark, richly pigmented, a shock of mahogany mink.
I want to tell you that I had put off doing this experiment because I thought the whole idea of dyeing your pubic hair was stupid. Who cares if the drapes don't match the rug (or whatever)? Who cares if you're going gray? Because when it comes to certain issues having to do with appearance, I believe distraction is by far the best solution. If the shade of your pubic hair seems to be getting seriously in the way of a good time, you might want to consider that it's not the real (or the only) obstacle for you.
On the other hand. In spite of my original aversion to the idea, as I said, I was inordinately pleased with my new look. I had that refreshed, slightly uplifted feeling you get when you've just had highlights, or your teeth whitened—not too much, but just enough to add a little zing!
The dye is available in five "classic" colors—blonde, auburn, black, brown, and something called fun ("a hot pink party in a box")—as well as lilac, red, and aqua blue. I know I'll never go Bozo down there (or anywhere), but I'm reserving judgment on that hot pink party in a box.
I can declare without hesitation that I’m never RSVPing for the hot pink party; that moment, if there ever was one, has passed. But I’ve bought a box of Betty ($14.99) and am looking forward to the shock of the new—or I guess you could say the new of the shock. Buckled in.
Val Asks You
Don’t be shy! What’s your most vexing or intractable appearance issue? Send me your beauty-related questions. If I don’t have a good answer, I’ll find someone who does.
ha! loved that story and would try it but... at about 60 I went BALD! like some old man... seriously. some stray hairs but BALD. quite the shock and never asked anyone about it so now it falls on you!! what's up? Never shaved but top of legs for bathing suit... Lots of hair on my head. too many on my chin. .....but..
Can I give Betty to my boyfriend?