Welcome dear readers, new and old! Happy, happy new year! If you find yourself enjoying the atmosphere, please hit the ❤️ button above. It changes all ringtones to the Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations.” Speaking of which, there’s a sale on yearly subscriptions—$40/yr down from $50/yr—till the end of this month.
Pivoting to the department of Roads to Hell Paved with Good Intentions, a query from a reader who finds herself, after letting her natural gray hair grow in, facing a different shady predicament.
“Ask Val” answers your urgent questions, Vol. 43
Q: I'm a former brunette with fair skin who’s used self-tanner most of my adult life to give my face some warmth. I let my gray hair grow in two years ago—and with the loss of pigment, I find the need for warmth in my face is greater than ever. The problem is that when self-tanner comes into contact with gray hair, it leaves a stain that won't lift in spite of my stylist’s valiant attempts. I try to keep hair off my face, but I still see staining.
I can opt for daily bronzer to avoid the staining, I know. But I find that regardless of the formulation, bronzers fade or grow muddy, especially given the hot flashes I deal with on the regular (I'm 56 and postmenopausal). Throwing in the towel on self-tanner seems like a non-starter. How can I avoid looking washed out?
A: Congratulations on going natural! (At least with your hair.) I have an idea about what you might do to solve your dilemma, but I first wanted to ask cosmetic chemist Perry Rowanowski, of the Beauty Brains podcast, if he knew why you’re having a problem and if he had some advice.
“Here’s what’s going on,” he said, whacking into the weeds right away. “The self-tanner ingredient DHA (dihydroxyacetone) chemically reacts with amino acids in the skin protein in a way that changes skin to a brown (really orange-ish) color.
“Hair is also made of amino acid-containing proteins. So the DHA in the self-tanner undergoes the same chemical reaction on your hair as on your face. If your hair were colored (either naturally or dyed), you likely wouldn’t see any staining. But gray hair is absent of any color, so even a small stain is noticeable.”
As you, dear reader, have meticulously pointed out.
“Now, about a way to stop it,” Perry continued. “I'm not sure how—beyond preventing DHA from coming into contact with your hair. You might try applying the self-tanner at night with your hair pulled back. DHA gets used up over the course of an hour, so hair touching your face after that probably isn't going to be a problem.”
Something tells me, though, you may have already tried this. Have you also tried applying a thin layer of Vaseline around your hairline to create a barrier between the self-tanner and your hair? But now we’re getting pretty labor-intensive. So I want to give you an alternative idea.
You say you’ve been using self-tanner your entire adult life. Maybe there’s no health-related reason to stop that, I don’t know. But since you’ve allowed yourself to surrender to the natural glory of your gray hair, I wonder if you might also consider surrendering to the natural glory of your complexion. But I’m washed out! you say. A few strategically-placed highlights and lowlights, silver or white, around the hairline can zhuzh you up enough for just a tinted moisturizer and a pop of blush to take your complexion from vexing to vibrant. Tinted moisturizer, IMHO, is the best invention since the high-waisted jean. It’s easy to find a suitable, natural-looking shade; many contain sunscreen; and you’re not likely to sweat it off.
Maybe do throw in the towel on the fake tan for now. You might find yourself with a new appreciation for what you’ve been covering up so long. 🙏
HNTFUYF, a Payola-Free Zone
Readers, a few of you have asked if I get a cut from sales when I mention a beauty product. I do not. I only mention products I’d like to buy myself, and therefore think you might like, too. I share this so you know my recommendations are offered without obligation.
New Beginnings and Endings
It's with regret that I've decided to say goodbye to our Chirp book club, Unfiltered Women. I hope those of you who enjoyed our mutual reads will continue to find aid and comfort among stories of our sisters who've led remarkable lives.
Val Asks You
Don’t be shy! What’s your most vexing or intractable appearance issue? Send your beauty-related questions to valeriemonroe@substack.com. If I don’t have a good answer, I’ll find someone who does.
I recently (last summer) stopped dying my hair. For about twenty years I'd been using my own squirrely method of using a box dye and leaving the grays visible in front so that it looked "natural". Not in a Cruella de Ville way, but such that it looked like I was only gray in front when in reality I had a lot more gray than I was admitting to. I, too, was convinced that I was "washed out" and needed that brown in my hair to not look *horrible*. I also have a fairly craggy face (lots of lines & sags & eye puffs) so I feared that if I went gray I would look 100 years old. Well... maybe I do? 😅 I'm not sure. But I have found that a lot of it was simply what I was used to seeing in the mirror... ie, I've gotten used to the gray. And it's not all bad. I notice that the colour of my eyes is more prominent now. And the texture of my hair is nicer. And though I'd prefer not to look 100 (or whatever it is I look), I definitely feel better about looking *the way I'm supposed to look*. Take it or leave it, people! And last but not least, *no-one* is looking at me with the critical eye that I was. NO-ONE.
Dear Val, a Healthy, Happy New Year to you and the wonderful HNTFUYF community. Your excellent post is a great way to kick off 2023 with inspiration to keep all of us glowing.
I’ve long considered the Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer to be the gold standard, but had no idea that there are now so many shades to choose from.
For me, a little in-store shade testing and consultation would be in order. And more fun than ordering online—for this reader, the personal attention and perhaps starting a new relationship (with the consultant) always enhances the beauty experience. Again, thanks for a terrific, thoughtful post!